Never before have I been at such a precipice in my life. It certainly feels like it has at least been a very long time since I was in such a position. Everything is up in the air, with my health, with my work and with my finances. I am taking a risk, by coming off my meds and starting a completely new one, so I am indeed taking a huge leap of faith. All I can say to those that might be questioning my decision, is that, for whatever reason, I truly feel intuitively positive about this change. I feel like it is perfect timing, with my work finishing up over the next few weeks, as I stop the meds, so hopefully will be in a MUCH better place by the time I start a new position. I will be in a better place in terms of my physical health – at a more manageable weight, because of zero Seroquel in my system, and in terms of my mental health – I have an intuitive nudge that ‘cariprazine’ will be my new best friend for my mental health. I am hoping that things get easier – A LOT easier – as things have been really tough lately. I have a hope that things will just ‘fall into place’ with my health and career – all happening over the next month or so. So, watch this space… I will also find out about book sales in July, so July is shaping up to be HUGE.
I have a couple of opportunities work wise, and I am hoping and praying that the ‘right one’ falls into my lap, with divine timing over the coming 3-6 weeks. I also have the eating disorder recovery workshop I designed, coming up in mid-July at Oceanic Wellbeing – which I truly believe I will be at my peak for. Fingers crossed.
I feel like, at the moment, my good old mantra of “trust and have faith” is particularly relevant. I am clinging to hope and faith, every day. And trying to trust that everything happens for a reason, and that a lucky break (or several) are just around the corner for me.
If I didn’t have Leon, Pan and good family and friends around me, this time would be so much more trying, so I consistently remind myself of my blessings. I have many. But taking such a huge leap of faith, feels exciting but scary at the same time. As it stands, I have cut down my Seroquel by one-third, and I don’t really feel any different, which is very positive. 2 and a half weeks and I will be completely off the medication that has kept me stable for 15 years – HOWEVER, I have had to be on a constant restrictive diet since day 1, to keep weight gain at bay. I am very much looking forward to eating a healthy and nourishing diet on a daily basis, without having to worry about stacking on weight.
My life could look completely different by the time this is all over. This is what I am thinking. Mid July – mid August…. Much better mental health in general, and a sense of confidence every single day… much healthier metabolism, and able to enjoy food without the consequential weight gain – a new job which lends itself towards fulfillment and happiness – and a successful recovery workshop with the possibility of further workshops down the track. And (this isn’t quite as important, but definitely still part of the overall dream), a nice little pay packet from my second book, to pay off debt, organise a holiday and put some $$ in savings.
Hey, I figure the wheel of fortune is going to turn one way or another. I truly intuitively feel like all the good things are coming – and all due to this epic leap of faith. I am the fool, on the beginning of her journey, and the fool must take a risk to get the epic rewards that follow. We shall see in the next couple of months, which way the wheel of fortune will spin.
I am so hopeful, and I have a healthy dose of faith. Here we go!! Wish me luck xx
Kate's Niche 