Kate's Niche

I turned 40 yesterday and I had such an incredible time at my 40th birthday party. My reflection on this though, is pretty unfathomable. As only 15 years prior, I spent my 25th birthday in Hollywood Private Clinic, and I was highly delusional and psychotic. I had nothing except the support of my immediate family. I had no friends, no money, no job and zero sanity.

The sheer intensity of what I was going through at that time, is unspeakable. I had never been more broken, and I had never been more hopeless. The incredible difference between these two different worlds, is incomprehensible – The world that I was living in 15 years ago, compared to where I am in my life right now.

What this story tells us, is that healing and recovery is absolutely possible. I thought I was simply destined to a life of dysfunction and ill-health – a life of solitary isolation, sheer depression and intense grief of the life that I had lost along the way.

In my life currently, I have never been happier, and I have never been more blessed, in terms of the amazing opportunities that I have before me, and the amazing people that are a part of my life on this day. And yesterday, I got to celebrate, not only my 40th birthday, but I also celebrated my life journey and celebrate the fact that I have forged a very happy and fulfilling life for myself.

Watch this space, as I have a distinct feeling and knowing, that my 40’s are going to be my best yet.

xxx

What is the point of being unhappy?

When you have a choice, why not choose happiness?

Everyone has struggles in their lives, no one has a perfect
existence.

But does the fact that your life isn’t “perfect” mean you must
focus on the negative and consequently feel blue, frustrated or down in the dumps? Why not do just the opposite, and focus on all of your blessings? Be extra grateful for all the good things in your life?

As someone who has had been in a space where everything was
taken away from me in one fowl swoop – including my mental health – I have a
unique perspective on this.

Because I have existed in a life where I had literally
nothing but a roof over my head and my immediate family – not even my sanity – I can appreciate all of the blessings I have in my life currently (including mental wellbeing). So, when I get overpowered by a sense of things not being ‘perfect’, I must take stock of where I have come from, many moons ago.

At the end of the day, I am betting you have more blessings
than you realise. Do you have a roof over your head? Someone to support you if and when you need it? Food to eat? Water to drink? Music to listen to? Clothing to wear?  I could go on and on and on.

You have a choice people. What would you like to focus on?

All the blessings that you have. Or what you may not have currently (but can always work towards).

Some things in our life that may not be great, may not be within
our power to change. Therefore, there has to be a level of acceptance, even radical acceptance, moving forward. Why waste precious energy and time getting worked up and frustrated with something that may not change, in essence? If there is anything in your power you can do to help change it, then do it! But that doesn’t require rumination over said factor until things improve. You have the power to choose happiness, at any moment of any day. So why not choose it?

When I look back over my life, I want to be able to see that
I was happy and that I enjoyed what I had. Remember this quote: “happiness
is not always getting what you want, it’s about enjoying all that you have”.

You won’t always get what you want, life may never be ‘perfect’.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy what you do have.

You can always work towards goals and obtaining things that
will improve your circumstances, but you don’t have to wait for that to occur,
to be happy. Be happy now.

This practice of acceptance and embracing happiness, is key
to living a life that you love. What would you tell a friend in your position?
Would you keep reminding them not to be happy because “life is not perfect yet”? How silly! You would tell them how much good they already have and to be appreciative and epically grateful for their blessing

Choose life. With all its messiness. Choose happiness.
Because it’s good for your health, and you will never…ever… regret time spent being happy.

Love Kate xx

I just came to a huge realisation. I have been writing a book about eating disorder recovery, and in it, I talk about utilising the strengths that are inherent in people with an eating disorder, in more constructive, positive and helpful ways. It takes an in depth look at these strengths and recognises how they can be used for the greater good, rather than being used in simply the perpetuation of an eating disorder. What I just realised that I have overlooked, is not simply the importance of the innate strengths involved in living with an eating disorder, but also the incredible importance of the strengths that are displayed for anyone with any mental illness.

As someone who has battled mental illness for the entirety of my life, I think it is important to take stock on our innate strengths, not just our apparent weaknesses. I forget sometimes just how hard life can be to navigate on a daily basis, when I am not feeling 100% or when I am not feeling a sense of wellness at the optimal level. I am used to life being this way, so yes, I do indeed forget that I (and all of us) have strengths that many other people may not necessarily possess, or at least utilise every single day.

I can say with emphasis, that the act of surviving mental ill-health and navigating life this way, holds within it, many incredible strengths:

Courage. To go out into the world when we know there is an element of struggle. To push ourselves to do things that we know will be difficult, but always worthwhile in the end. To show up, even when we are at our most vulnerable.

Perseverance. To continue even when things are difficult, or not going our way. For simply, not giving in or giving up.

Determination. The energy to continue to look towards things being better, to continue to strive for improvement and wellness, even when it is incredibly tiring.

Resilience. The strength to stand strong even when others may judge us or criticise us on any given moment of any given day. The strength to stand strong when all we want to do is hide away.

Gratitude. We (those of us who have struggled with mental ill-health) often know what it is like to have the rug pulled from under us, in the most incredibly unfair ways. We know struggle, inside and out, and therefore we can be incredibly grateful and appreciative of those days that go to plan, and we can be incredibly grateful and appreciative of the very small things, that most people wouldn’t even acknowledge.

So, when we are having a moment of uncertainty, or when we are having a moment of vulnerability, we must remember that these incredible strengths are something to be very proud of, and we must lean into them. We must remember also that these strengths can be utilised in many other ways. In my work, I endeavour to use all of these strengths. And I also have a great motivation to remind others of their inherent strengths, so they too, can lean into them and be proud of them. We are not simply flawed, we are not simply defective… we are strong, and we can be an unstoppable force, when these strengths are utilised in the right way, every single moment of every single day.

What I envision, moving forward, in my work particularly, is help others who experience mental ill-health, to see things through the lens of their incredible strengths, and to look at the endless possibilities of how they can further utilise these incredible strengths. We must remember that we are not simply lacking. We have an abundance of positive traits right at our fingertips.

Start to feel empowered by seeing your strength and innate power. Don’t be disempowered by listening to others in society who don’t understand or empathise. There are two sides of the coin. We can choose the better side…the healthier side… stay strong… keep showing up… and be proud to be living in the way that you are, even when things aren’t easy.

Stay strong and remember your power.

I had a win this morning. A taste of freedom.

I know it sounds minor, but I didn’t weigh myself.

This is huge for me, as I have weighed myself daily for the past two years. It has become an obsession and something I just do, like brushing my teeth. It gives me a number to focus on for the day, and it tells me what to feel, on any given day. So incredibly unhealthy, and not at all in alignment with my usual “self-love” and “self-compassion” stance. I have worked for many years trying to view myself with a sense of love and compassion, and for the most part, I have got this nailed. I view pretty much every ounce of my authentic self, with kindness. My weaknesses and flaws, I accept, and I have learnt to embrace all of this. So, the majority of the time, I feel empowered; and whole. However, when it comes to the number on the scales, I am obsessive and harsh with myself, I show myself no kindness or compassion. An eating disorder of sorts has managed to weave its way into my entire being. It’s not overly severe, but still enough to be considered unhelpful and very unhealthy. I tend to focus on weight loss from Monday to Friday, in an almost obsessive manner. And then I enjoy myself on the weekends. There has been a downward trend though over the last 6 months with the weight loss. And this simply causes the ‘eating disorder’ (which I prefer to refer to as weight obsession) to become more controlling and even louder. So, today I called it. No number to focus on. And it was difficult, but also felt really good and empowering.

What I have realised as well recently, is that this sense of control over weight, makes me feel strangely ‘safe’, as if not thinking about it or having control over it is too scary and foreign. When I go back to when I initially recovered from anorexia, I swore to myself that I would never weigh myself again. I didn’t anticipate this journey taking such a strange, dramatic turn at the age of 39. If someone else was in my position I would know exactly what to say to them. I would know exactly what to preach. But I can’t do that in my current position. Because as we all know, you have to practice what you preach, 100%. So, I am not only now on this journey of self-exploration for myself, but I am also wanting to embrace the growth and learning to eventually assist others as well on their journey back to happiness, health and whole-ness.

My goal now is to really try and get back to those feelings of self-love and self-compassion, in every aspect of self. Part of that is getting rid of the constant weighing, and at this point I see maybe a possibility of firstly weighing every second day, to eventually once a week. And even at that point, making sure I do not obsess or allow my whole day to be affected by the number that stares up at me. Don’t get me wrong, I feel happy, and (almost) whole, but I just need to get the ball back in my court, I need to take the reigns of every single part of myself and my life, because I don’t’ want something else, some other entity, (eating disorder/weight obsession), to call the shots. I have absolutely everything I could want or need…getting this sense of freedom back will just be icing on the cake (and we all love cake 😊)

Love Kate xxx

Let’s face it. When we post things on Facebook, we want likes. Why is this? Because it is a positive feeling when we gain any kind of approval or validation from others. Why am I writing about this? Because I have been trying to wrap my head around why this is so important to me. I have been trying to wrap my head around why, when I don’t receive the likes, this makes me feel like I am a failure of sorts. Does this make sense? Actually, no. When I look at the bigger picture of my life, I am comforted knowing that everything is going in the right direction. My world is not lacking, by any means. I have everything I could want or need, and there are some very exciting things happening in my world now also (which I will unveil in time). So why then, when I have every reason to be happy, do I lack happiness when I don’t get the validation or approval that I so desire?

The silly thing is, I am not receiving any particular dislikes from people, I actually have no evidence that:

a) I am not enough or

b) that I am not OK.

But when people aren’t affirming of the things in my life that are important to me, how can I stop feeling so deficient and inadequate? Why is it so important to get approval? Does it affect how I live my life, and get on with my day? When I look back at the end of my life, will I think about how much I was liked and approved of? How popular I was? I guarantee the answer to this would be no. Instead, I am going to think of the beautiful, special and wonderful parts to living this life… whether that be, relationships or friendships, whether that be my own courage and unique spirit even through tough times, or whether that be adventures and memories. It would be more about the quality of my life, not about the quantity of friends or ‘likes’ on Facebook. If a friend was going through, what I am going through currently with this dilemma, what would I tell them?

That it does not matter one iota what other people think of you…The only person you should seek validation from is yourself… The only person that needs to tell you that you are worthy and worthwhile, is you. And most importantly, the only person you should try to compare yourself to is who you were yesterday. Another thing to remember is that other people’s thoughts and judgments are fleeting. Sometimes people will think positive things about you and your life, other times they may be on the negative side. But these thoughts are like a water current, they ebb, and they flow. And it’s not your concern, it’s actually none of your business. If I could be granted one magic wish today, I feel right now, at this second, that I would simply wish for an attitude where other people’s judgements and thoughts about me, do not matter one bit. I would love to look at my life square in the eye and say, “I just don’t care what other people think, or whether they approve of me or not”.

I feel like I may have written about this whole thing before, and I remember now what I have said in the past. All I have ever been concerned about, in moving forward in my life, is:

a) Am I trying my best to be better than the person that I was yesterday?

b) Am I doing myself proud today, and every day?

I have recently lost sight of this. The answer of course to those questions are:

1. Yes. Always.
2. Yes. Always.

And this is all that should matter.

Watch this space, Great things are happening…

And I am happy no matter what, because I am enough.

You too, are 100% enough.

Love Kate xxx

Why do we worry about weight? Do you think at the end of your life you will look back and say to yourself, “God I looked good”, or “I am happy I was thin”. The answer to that one is no. You will remember how people made you feel, the memories that you made with those people you had loved.

I have wasted too much of my 39 years of existence, caring too much about the number on the scales. I have allowed it to dictate how I am going to feel on any given day. This is so unhealthy. I forgot for a while that all that truly matters in this life, is who you are inside, whether you are a good person… Kind, caring, empathetic, patient. These are the things I strive to be. Yet all of that became overshadowed by my beliefs and thoughts surrounding my weight and mere looks. What a sad way to exist. I am not proud of the person I have become over the past year; I am ashamed. I forgot what is important, 100%. An ED has been wreaking havoc on my very existence. To the outside world, I may have appeared to have my shit together, but I have been secretly tormented, and sinking…unable to just breathe and find even an ounce of inner peace.

If I could go back a year ago and talk to myself, I would have said, stop obsessing, stop controlling, stop being perfectionistic. You are enough, as you are, as you always have been and always will be. And my dear friends, let me assure you, your Kate is back, and she is now awake from that terrible dream….and awake… and standing back from the obsession. If I’ve been less than a good friend, I am deeply sorry. My priorities have been out of whack.

ED. I know you are trying to keep me safe and keep me protected. But I don’t need you anymore. I see that now…I can see clearly. On a positive, this battle has strengthened me beyond measure. Onwards and Upwards, from here on in, and back to living a life of integrity, moving forward.

There is only one way to deal with an addiction, you must stop feeding it. No more harsh words, no more obsessive thoughts…and a huge amount of self-love.

Love Kate

When I was a little girl, I struggled to be seen or heard, yet that is all I wanted…Desperately. Because my twin brother was loud, boisterous and funny (sometimes at my expense), I was often found cowering in the corner, and eventually I gave up wanting to be seen or heard, and I resided myself to the fact that I wasn’t worth much, because I was not like him. Eventually all I actually ended up wanting was to not be seen or heard…to disappear completely…hence the beginning of my grinding journey into and out of anorexia, and the beginning of my arduous journey to find myself….

My life has seen many a miracle since that time… it was a miracle that I started eating again, it was a miracle that I recovered, and that I found in myself something that had disappeared completely when I was just a young girl. I found my worth, my confidence, and my passion to seize the day. This was once again lost, when I experienced equally hard challenges later down the track. Eventually though, I found this spark again, I found this desire to want to be seen and heard, and now I stand strong… having found myself. I have found within myself, a passion to live every day to its fullest, and enjoy life as I should have when I was growing up, many years ago. This is indeed, a miracle in and of itself, and I am so proud of what I have overcome.

Sometimes family related challenges bring me right back to feeling like that helpless girl, and I must remind myself that she no longer exists. That young girl, whilst she was always beautiful, has ceased to be. And what has taken her place is much more beautiful, and empowering. A woman… who is not scared to stand up for what she believes in, a woman who has a strong voice and who isn’t afraid to use it. This woman wants to be seen AND heard, and above all else, she wants to enjoy her life and enjoy all the wonderful people in it; because this is what she deserves (and what she has always deserved…she just didn’t know it).

The journey from this trepid young girl to this strong and confident woman, like I said, is an absolute miracle.

Miracles do happen, this couldn’t be truer, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

Love Kate xx

My experiences with manifesting.

Where do I begin? Since I started my manifestation practice back in 2020 (approximately 4 years ago), my life has turned from night into day, 100%. Through daily meditation, which is a unique blend of visualization (of all the good stuff), affirmation and also feeling the good feels… which was taken from several different books on the topics of manifestation and universal support; I slowly but surely, transformed my life (inside and out). For a start, my romantic relationship has been catapulted to a new (very happy, healthy, solid) level, I have an abundance of friendships and beautiful people in my life, I found an amazing publisher who has published my first book (making me a legit author), and whom is in the process of publishing my second book… I have after 10 years of working in the field of mental health and AOD, found myself in a job that I have loved more than any other, which fits me to a tee…and financially things have been far better than they have ever been! My amazing partner and I are living in our own, private little paradise, with our beautiful fur baby, which makes me so happy. Even my health has improved to the point where I am at a healthy, comfortable weight, where I feel confident and comfortable (which has been a long time coming) and I’m still far from fit but working on it as I attend the gym 4 times a week, which is a total game changer in terms of my levels of wellbeing.

Don’t get me wrong, it has all taken a lot of hard work on my part, for every single one of these incredible blessings. But the key here, is allowing the universe to step in and do its part… meeting me halfway. To recap about manifestation, there are 4 key factors, first is positive thinking (worked on in meditation), second is positive feeling (also worked on in meditation), third is action (taking the necessary steps to make change happen), and fourth is having the utmost faith that the universe will do its part (which I also work on in meditation and other ways).

When I say I have transformed my life inside AND out, I must say also that my inner world has totally transformed, I am no longer unfulfilled, unhappy in my body and unhappy in life in general. I have absolutely everything I could want and need, and I am the happiest I have EVER been.

I know a person may believe this has all been dumb luck, or simply good fortune, but I wholeheartedly disagree. I have seen miracles unfold before my very eyes, in all different aspects of my life, and this my friends is the beauty of the art of manifestation and universal support. I urge you to try it sometime!!! You won’t be disappointed!!!

PLUG: my book ‘Level Up’, also has a great deal of info about all of this and MORE!

Love Kate xx

If you have had a crappy day (or crappy year), but you have learnt something, is it really a bad day (or year)?

I ask myself this a lot. In terms of personal development and moving forward in life… learning is one of the absolute greatest things…one of the absolute greatest blessings.

If you look back on a year gone, and you reflect on everything you have learnt and the ways that you have grown, it is difficult to bypass. And you shouldn’t.

In terms of spiritual development and spiritual growth, again…. If you’re learning, you’re ahead of the game.

Sometimes… these learnings and lessons are really, really hard. Sometimes they are excruciatingly hard. But again, these lessons are still incredibly valuable.

Sometimes… I turn what could be perceived as a terrible day into an incredible blessing, as learning is taking place, which in turn makes life easier and/or richer or more palatable in your future ahead.

In fact, I have penned two books, all of which are about my (somewhat potent) learnings in life.

39 years of learnings to be precise.

You might wonder, how could someone with these particular types of (very consistent) learnings and lessons, even stand to live another day?

The answer to this is simple. I feel incredibly rich. I feel incredibly lucky. I feel incredibly blessed. Because I have turned incredible pain into learnings and lessons, and as I move forward in life, I have so much intrinsic knowledge that grounds me and makes me wiser and more resilient, every day.

So, do your best to thank the universe for all your hard lessons and difficult challenges, because they all make you wiser and 100x stronger. And at the end of the day, this is what matters.

Rise to the challenge/s, acknowledge the lessons and see all the silver linings.

Of which there are always plenty.

Love Kate xxx

I wanted to write a blog post this morning for a multitude of reasons. One is simply because I miss writing so terribly, as I have finished writing my second book, and I rarely post on WordPress these days. Another reason is that I have something to share.

I have written some very different posts over the years, some (mostly) making note of all the real positives in my life, after such a long time in suffering. I hope that this indeed does inspire readers, to the fact that miracles do happen, and that real, true happiness is possible, despite still having difficult challenges. Some of the other posts reflect on those particular challenges, that still present in my life today, and again, I hope that these posts invoke a sense of understanding and compassion towards my particular situation.

Today I wanted to talk about some of the positives and negatives, in a balanced way. I want to firstly ask the question… What is important in life? For me, doing the best I can, every day, is paramount. As long as I try my best, I sleep soundly at night, knowing that good things come my way, when I live life on my own terms. Sometimes (and most of the time) my best exceeds people’s expectations of someone in my unique situation. However, other times my best may only scrape the surface of other people’s expectations. I sometimes grapple with the idea of what others may think of me, when I have these moments or days where people may judge me, but I have come to a place within myself, where this doesn’t matter. Again, all that matters is that I do my best to move forward in whatever way I can. This way of living has worked wonders, as although I still have some challenges, I have literally climbed some of the highest mountains, and achieved things that, I think, (and have been told), are awe inspiring, considering my situation. This is what matters to me in life, the pursuit of happiness, by simply trying my best, pushing myself out of my comfort zone consistently, and never, ever giving up, or giving into other people’s lowered expectations.

I am extremely proud of where I have managed to get to in my life. As only 12 years ago, I had nothing. I have attracted into my life, some incredible things, that I never thought was possible only 12 years ago. My partner in crime, or my soul mate, makes me very happy, and generally what is most treasured to us, is simply enjoying life and having a lot of fun. Work hard, play hard is our motto. I have an abundance of friendships, people that I mesh with and connect with regularly. They all know the real Kate, not simply kate wearing a mask, which is what I have to do when I wear my work ‘hat’ sometimes. My family relationships are also wonderful. And at the end of the day, if I know these people have my back, and if I know that I am being the best friend, partner, sister and daughter I can be, this is also the only other thing that truly matters.

After such a long time being utterly disconnected from people and myself, back in my teens and twenties, connection is something that I really do treasure. And like I said, if my world is full of wonderful connections, friendships and relationships, I will always be a happy, grateful person, who recognises on a daily basis, just how blessed she is.

So, to sum up on this question… what is important in life…

I believe that it comes down to consistently doing your best, to not only love myself and the people in my life, but to help others in any way I can, move forward in any way I can…. Until I can look back and be truly proud of my journey… despite having difficulties.

I want to say, that I know everyone has challenges in their lives in different ways, but It is so important to try to focus on our blessings, and be grateful for the good stuff, which for me, there is plenty.

I hope this blog makes you reflect on all the good things in your life and helps you to remember what actually is important in this thing called Life.

Love Kate xx