Author: Kate.Purcell

I had a win this morning. A taste of freedom.

I know it sounds minor, but I didn’t weigh myself.

This is huge for me, as I have weighed myself daily for the past two years. It has become an obsession and something I just do, like brushing my teeth. It gives me a number to focus on for the day, and it tells me what to feel, on any given day. So incredibly unhealthy, and not at all in alignment with my usual “self-love” and “self-compassion” stance. I have worked for many years trying to view myself with a sense of love and compassion, and for the most part, I have got this nailed. I view pretty much every ounce of my authentic self, with kindness. My weaknesses and flaws, I accept, and I have learnt to embrace all of this. So, the majority of the time, I feel empowered; and whole. However, when it comes to the number on the scales, I am obsessive and harsh with myself, I show myself no kindness or compassion. An eating disorder of sorts has managed to weave its way into my entire being. It’s not overly severe, but still enough to be considered unhelpful and very unhealthy. I tend to focus on weight loss from Monday to Friday, in an almost obsessive manner. And then I enjoy myself on the weekends. There has been a downward trend though over the last 6 months with the weight loss. And this simply causes the ‘eating disorder’ (which I prefer to refer to as weight obsession) to become more controlling and even louder. So, today I called it. No number to focus on. And it was difficult, but also felt really good and empowering.

What I have realised as well recently, is that this sense of control over weight, makes me feel strangely ‘safe’, as if not thinking about it or having control over it is too scary and foreign. When I go back to when I initially recovered from anorexia, I swore to myself that I would never weigh myself again. I didn’t anticipate this journey taking such a strange, dramatic turn at the age of 39. If someone else was in my position I would know exactly what to say to them. I would know exactly what to preach. But I can’t do that in my current position. Because as we all know, you have to practice what you preach, 100%. So, I am not only now on this journey of self-exploration for myself, but I am also wanting to embrace the growth and learning to eventually assist others as well on their journey back to happiness, health and whole-ness.

My goal now is to really try and get back to those feelings of self-love and self-compassion, in every aspect of self. Part of that is getting rid of the constant weighing, and at this point I see maybe a possibility of firstly weighing every second day, to eventually once a week. And even at that point, making sure I do not obsess or allow my whole day to be affected by the number that stares up at me. Don’t get me wrong, I feel happy, and (almost) whole, but I just need to get the ball back in my court, I need to take the reigns of every single part of myself and my life, because I don’t’ want something else, some other entity, (eating disorder/weight obsession), to call the shots. I have absolutely everything I could want or need…getting this sense of freedom back will just be icing on the cake (and we all love cake 😊)

Love Kate xxx

Let’s face it. When we post things on Facebook, we want likes. Why is this? Because it is a positive feeling when we gain any kind of approval or validation from others. Why am I writing about this? Because I have been trying to wrap my head around why this is so important to me. I have been trying to wrap my head around why, when I don’t receive the likes, this makes me feel like I am a failure of sorts. Does this make sense? Actually, no. When I look at the bigger picture of my life, I am comforted knowing that everything is going in the right direction. My world is not lacking, by any means. I have everything I could want or need, and there are some very exciting things happening in my world now also (which I will unveil in time). So why then, when I have every reason to be happy, do I lack happiness when I don’t get the validation or approval that I so desire?

The silly thing is, I am not receiving any particular dislikes from people, I actually have no evidence that:

a) I am not enough or

b) that I am not OK.

But when people aren’t affirming of the things in my life that are important to me, how can I stop feeling so deficient and inadequate? Why is it so important to get approval? Does it affect how I live my life, and get on with my day? When I look back at the end of my life, will I think about how much I was liked and approved of? How popular I was? I guarantee the answer to this would be no. Instead, I am going to think of the beautiful, special and wonderful parts to living this life… whether that be, relationships or friendships, whether that be my own courage and unique spirit even through tough times, or whether that be adventures and memories. It would be more about the quality of my life, not about the quantity of friends or ‘likes’ on Facebook. If a friend was going through, what I am going through currently with this dilemma, what would I tell them?

That it does not matter one iota what other people think of you…The only person you should seek validation from is yourself… The only person that needs to tell you that you are worthy and worthwhile, is you. And most importantly, the only person you should try to compare yourself to is who you were yesterday. Another thing to remember is that other people’s thoughts and judgments are fleeting. Sometimes people will think positive things about you and your life, other times they may be on the negative side. But these thoughts are like a water current, they ebb, and they flow. And it’s not your concern, it’s actually none of your business. If I could be granted one magic wish today, I feel right now, at this second, that I would simply wish for an attitude where other people’s judgements and thoughts about me, do not matter one bit. I would love to look at my life square in the eye and say, “I just don’t care what other people think, or whether they approve of me or not”.

I feel like I may have written about this whole thing before, and I remember now what I have said in the past. All I have ever been concerned about, in moving forward in my life, is:

a) Am I trying my best to be better than the person that I was yesterday?

b) Am I doing myself proud today, and every day?

I have recently lost sight of this. The answer of course to those questions are:

1. Yes. Always.
2. Yes. Always.

And this is all that should matter.

Watch this space, Great things are happening…

And I am happy no matter what, because I am enough.

You too, are 100% enough.

Love Kate xxx

Why do we worry about weight? Do you think at the end of your life you will look back and say to yourself, “God I looked good”, or “I am happy I was thin”. The answer to that one is no. You will remember how people made you feel, the memories that you made with those people you had loved.

I have wasted too much of my 39 years of existence, caring too much about the number on the scales. I have allowed it to dictate how I am going to feel on any given day. This is so unhealthy. I forgot for a while that all that truly matters in this life, is who you are inside, whether you are a good person… Kind, caring, empathetic, patient. These are the things I strive to be. Yet all of that became overshadowed by my beliefs and thoughts surrounding my weight and mere looks. What a sad way to exist. I am not proud of the person I have become over the past year; I am ashamed. I forgot what is important, 100%. An ED has been wreaking havoc on my very existence. To the outside world, I may have appeared to have my shit together, but I have been secretly tormented, and sinking…unable to just breathe and find even an ounce of inner peace.

If I could go back a year ago and talk to myself, I would have said, stop obsessing, stop controlling, stop being perfectionistic. You are enough, as you are, as you always have been and always will be. And my dear friends, let me assure you, your Kate is back, and she is now awake from that terrible dream….and awake… and standing back from the obsession. If I’ve been less than a good friend, I am deeply sorry. My priorities have been out of whack.

ED. I know you are trying to keep me safe and keep me protected. But I don’t need you anymore. I see that now…I can see clearly. On a positive, this battle has strengthened me beyond measure. Onwards and Upwards, from here on in, and back to living a life of integrity, moving forward.

There is only one way to deal with an addiction, you must stop feeding it. No more harsh words, no more obsessive thoughts…and a huge amount of self-love.

Love Kate

When I was a little girl, I struggled to be seen or heard, yet that is all I wanted…Desperately. Because my twin brother was loud, boisterous and funny (sometimes at my expense), I was often found cowering in the corner, and eventually I gave up wanting to be seen or heard, and I resided myself to the fact that I wasn’t worth much, because I was not like him. Eventually all I actually ended up wanting was to not be seen or heard…to disappear completely…hence the beginning of my grinding journey into and out of anorexia, and the beginning of my arduous journey to find myself….

My life has seen many a miracle since that time… it was a miracle that I started eating again, it was a miracle that I recovered, and that I found in myself something that had disappeared completely when I was just a young girl. I found my worth, my confidence, and my passion to seize the day. This was once again lost, when I experienced equally hard challenges later down the track. Eventually though, I found this spark again, I found this desire to want to be seen and heard, and now I stand strong… having found myself. I have found within myself, a passion to live every day to its fullest, and enjoy life as I should have when I was growing up, many years ago. This is indeed, a miracle in and of itself, and I am so proud of what I have overcome.

Sometimes family related challenges bring me right back to feeling like that helpless girl, and I must remind myself that she no longer exists. That young girl, whilst she was always beautiful, has ceased to be. And what has taken her place is much more beautiful, and empowering. A woman… who is not scared to stand up for what she believes in, a woman who has a strong voice and who isn’t afraid to use it. This woman wants to be seen AND heard, and above all else, she wants to enjoy her life and enjoy all the wonderful people in it; because this is what she deserves (and what she has always deserved…she just didn’t know it).

The journey from this trepid young girl to this strong and confident woman, like I said, is an absolute miracle.

Miracles do happen, this couldn’t be truer, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

Love Kate xx

My experiences with manifesting.

Where do I begin? Since I started my manifestation practice back in 2020 (approximately 4 years ago), my life has turned from night into day, 100%. Through daily meditation, which is a unique blend of visualization (of all the good stuff), affirmation and also feeling the good feels… which was taken from several different books on the topics of manifestation and universal support; I slowly but surely, transformed my life (inside and out). For a start, my romantic relationship has been catapulted to a new (very happy, healthy, solid) level, I have an abundance of friendships and beautiful people in my life, I found an amazing publisher who has published my first book (making me a legit author), and whom is in the process of publishing my second book… I have after 10 years of working in the field of mental health and AOD, found myself in a job that I have loved more than any other, which fits me to a tee…and financially things have been far better than they have ever been! My amazing partner and I are living in our own, private little paradise, with our beautiful fur baby, which makes me so happy. Even my health has improved to the point where I am at a healthy, comfortable weight, where I feel confident and comfortable (which has been a long time coming) and I’m still far from fit but working on it as I attend the gym 4 times a week, which is a total game changer in terms of my levels of wellbeing.

Don’t get me wrong, it has all taken a lot of hard work on my part, for every single one of these incredible blessings. But the key here, is allowing the universe to step in and do its part… meeting me halfway. To recap about manifestation, there are 4 key factors, first is positive thinking (worked on in meditation), second is positive feeling (also worked on in meditation), third is action (taking the necessary steps to make change happen), and fourth is having the utmost faith that the universe will do its part (which I also work on in meditation and other ways).

When I say I have transformed my life inside AND out, I must say also that my inner world has totally transformed, I am no longer unfulfilled, unhappy in my body and unhappy in life in general. I have absolutely everything I could want and need, and I am the happiest I have EVER been.

I know a person may believe this has all been dumb luck, or simply good fortune, but I wholeheartedly disagree. I have seen miracles unfold before my very eyes, in all different aspects of my life, and this my friends is the beauty of the art of manifestation and universal support. I urge you to try it sometime!!! You won’t be disappointed!!!

PLUG: my book ‘Level Up’, also has a great deal of info about all of this and MORE!

Love Kate xx

If you have had a crappy day (or crappy year), but you have learnt something, is it really a bad day (or year)?

I ask myself this a lot. In terms of personal development and moving forward in life… learning is one of the absolute greatest things…one of the absolute greatest blessings.

If you look back on a year gone, and you reflect on everything you have learnt and the ways that you have grown, it is difficult to bypass. And you shouldn’t.

In terms of spiritual development and spiritual growth, again…. If you’re learning, you’re ahead of the game.

Sometimes… these learnings and lessons are really, really hard. Sometimes they are excruciatingly hard. But again, these lessons are still incredibly valuable.

Sometimes… I turn what could be perceived as a terrible day into an incredible blessing, as learning is taking place, which in turn makes life easier and/or richer or more palatable in your future ahead.

In fact, I have penned two books, all of which are about my (somewhat potent) learnings in life.

39 years of learnings to be precise.

You might wonder, how could someone with these particular types of (very consistent) learnings and lessons, even stand to live another day?

The answer to this is simple. I feel incredibly rich. I feel incredibly lucky. I feel incredibly blessed. Because I have turned incredible pain into learnings and lessons, and as I move forward in life, I have so much intrinsic knowledge that grounds me and makes me wiser and more resilient, every day.

So, do your best to thank the universe for all your hard lessons and difficult challenges, because they all make you wiser and 100x stronger. And at the end of the day, this is what matters.

Rise to the challenge/s, acknowledge the lessons and see all the silver linings.

Of which there are always plenty.

Love Kate xxx

I wanted to write a blog post this morning for a multitude of reasons. One is simply because I miss writing so terribly, as I have finished writing my second book, and I rarely post on WordPress these days. Another reason is that I have something to share.

I have written some very different posts over the years, some (mostly) making note of all the real positives in my life, after such a long time in suffering. I hope that this indeed does inspire readers, to the fact that miracles do happen, and that real, true happiness is possible, despite still having difficult challenges. Some of the other posts reflect on those particular challenges, that still present in my life today, and again, I hope that these posts invoke a sense of understanding and compassion towards my particular situation.

Today I wanted to talk about some of the positives and negatives, in a balanced way. I want to firstly ask the question… What is important in life? For me, doing the best I can, every day, is paramount. As long as I try my best, I sleep soundly at night, knowing that good things come my way, when I live life on my own terms. Sometimes (and most of the time) my best exceeds people’s expectations of someone in my unique situation. However, other times my best may only scrape the surface of other people’s expectations. I sometimes grapple with the idea of what others may think of me, when I have these moments or days where people may judge me, but I have come to a place within myself, where this doesn’t matter. Again, all that matters is that I do my best to move forward in whatever way I can. This way of living has worked wonders, as although I still have some challenges, I have literally climbed some of the highest mountains, and achieved things that, I think, (and have been told), are awe inspiring, considering my situation. This is what matters to me in life, the pursuit of happiness, by simply trying my best, pushing myself out of my comfort zone consistently, and never, ever giving up, or giving into other people’s lowered expectations.

I am extremely proud of where I have managed to get to in my life. As only 12 years ago, I had nothing. I have attracted into my life, some incredible things, that I never thought was possible only 12 years ago. My partner in crime, or my soul mate, makes me very happy, and generally what is most treasured to us, is simply enjoying life and having a lot of fun. Work hard, play hard is our motto. I have an abundance of friendships, people that I mesh with and connect with regularly. They all know the real Kate, not simply kate wearing a mask, which is what I have to do when I wear my work ‘hat’ sometimes. My family relationships are also wonderful. And at the end of the day, if I know these people have my back, and if I know that I am being the best friend, partner, sister and daughter I can be, this is also the only other thing that truly matters.

After such a long time being utterly disconnected from people and myself, back in my teens and twenties, connection is something that I really do treasure. And like I said, if my world is full of wonderful connections, friendships and relationships, I will always be a happy, grateful person, who recognises on a daily basis, just how blessed she is.

So, to sum up on this question… what is important in life…

I believe that it comes down to consistently doing your best, to not only love myself and the people in my life, but to help others in any way I can, move forward in any way I can…. Until I can look back and be truly proud of my journey… despite having difficulties.

I want to say, that I know everyone has challenges in their lives in different ways, but It is so important to try to focus on our blessings, and be grateful for the good stuff, which for me, there is plenty.

I hope this blog makes you reflect on all the good things in your life and helps you to remember what actually is important in this thing called Life.

Love Kate xx

A full cup.

Suddenly, I realise that my cup (or in other words, my soul) is completely and utterly full. I am happy, fulfilled and challenged (but not too challenged) …comfortable (but not too comfortable). I have time to bathe in my introverted-ness… enjoying the little things life has to offer, including being creative and intellectually stimulated, and I also have time to fully experience my extroverted self, enjoying being a social butterfly. I have everything I need. My relationships are so nourishing, on so many levels, and I am never bored or uninspired. Boredom is probably something I have grappled with for many years now, but for the first time EVER, I am whole, engaged and consistently inspired. For too long, I felt like there were parts of me missing; somehow… parts of me that weren’t engaged or fulfilled. And sometimes, I wonder how it is that I managed to get to this inner sanctum. A used to be in a cocoon; so scared to fully embrace life in its entirety. I would like to refer to a quote that sums up my journey, in a very succinct way. “You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and see that you’ve climbed a mountain”.

If anyone ever tells you that a life with considerable struggle is not able to transform into a life with abundance and happiness, I would tell them to think again. The first 27 years of my life were chocked full of not only struggle, but also distress, and loneliness. But the 11 years to follow, although still difficult at times, were full of magic, joy and promise for the future.

I know I have written many words (probably) over the past 8 years, that basically outline the same thing…outlining my experience of illness and the recovery journey that followed. But I feel like what I am writing today is slightly different. It is a kind of overview, a broad look at the difference between my inner experiences in the distant past, and my inner experiences in my recent present. I probably can’t quite get across the vast difference between my two different worlds. It is night and day, winter, and summer, black and white. It is emptiness and indeed, a cup that is overflowing.

I pray that you one day come to know the difference between these two worlds, and I hope you don’t give up until you get there. I pray that you find within you, the strength and resilience and inner wisdom, to get you from the depths of sorrow to the elatedness of joy.

11 years ago, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I have accomplished many things in this time, I was almost married in 2016, I have worked for 9 years in the field of mental health/Alcohol & Drugs, I have written and published a memoir in 2020, I have spoken at Parliament for mental health week, spoken at conferences including being a lived experience Keynote speaker for the WAAMH conference in 2016, I have spoken several times on the radio, and did a podcast with Heidi from 92.9 back in 2017. I have also featured in a couple of news paper articles for the West Australian. So, you might say, I am incredibly lucky. Although I still have my bad days and my bad moments…basically you could say I am far from perfect. But I always try my best and I always pat myself on the back for giving everything a good go. I have been ruthless in my mission to achieve and maintain an amazingly blessed, and happy life. I am very proud of myself, and I know the amazing people in my life are proud of me too. I recently opened up to my colleagues and boss at work, about my past experiences and in particular, spoke to them about my book, which really is the amalgamation of all of my hard work. They responded with awe, compassion and kindness, and I feel like I really have reached a new level of respect within the organisation. There is also now talks of promoting my book to staff and service users within Palmerston, which I am thrilled about, to say the least.

I have had a few off days recently, and whilst this can upset me, I know that it is only temporary, and I know that the life I am living is still so blessed, and I have so much to be thankful for, every day. I want to tell anyone reading this, that I am moving forward in my quest to be transparent and authentic about who I am and what I have experienced, and still experience to this day. For my sake, and also for the sake of reducing mental health stigma in society.

So, if you have a problem with who I am, and what I have been through…
“if you judge me as I am, then watch me as I go”. Because I don’t have time for people who judge or criticize me. I have worked really hard on accepting the things I cannot change, within myself and my life circumstances, and I have worked extraordinarily hard to get to where I am today. I have so many amazing friends/family/colleagues/people in my life who love me despite my shortcomings. And if you are one of those people, I thankyou so much from the bottom of my heart. I love you all immensely. If you are not one of those people, then simply watch me as I walk away. No skin off my nose, and blessings to you.

Love Kate x

PS. There is a reason that the first sentence of this blog reveals my biggest secret, it is because I no longer feel the need to keep it hidden. xx

I am an imperfect person, and I am ok with that. And I can say that now, and really feel it, embrace it, and believe it. I am a human being with many flaws, and right now I can say that I am not ashamed of that, and I am at the point now where it is totally ok if others choose to not be ok with that.

My perfectionistic side has always been a bit problematic, and choosing to completely love myself, at my best and my worst, has been a challenging task. But I think deep down, our flaws don’t really matter, and we should forgive ourselves for our flaws – big or small. The other thing that I have had to choose, is to not really spend time worrying about what others may think of me. The one thing that does actually matter to me now, is whether I am trying to my best with what I have got. Whether I am trying my best to live by my values and be a good person, and whether I am always looking to improve myself and my life situation.

Why is it that we always get so caught up on our flaws? If our flaws make us more of who we are, then shouldn’t they be seen as a good thing? I actually feel that are flaws make us more beautiful and loveable, but it has taken me a long time to accept that truth for myself.

I grapple sometimes, with the fact that I am someone with a checkered past. And whilst most of you reading this will have a relatively good understanding of what I have been through, and also some of the struggles that I still have to this day, I still get caught up sometimes with that fear of someone rejecting me because of my past. But really, I must remind myself that I am actually very proud of what I have gone through, and that the people who may judge, reject or criticize don’t matter to me one bit. The right people, of which there are many, see my flaws and love me anyway, and that means the world to me, and has helped me too, to love myself completely – flaws and all.

I think losing my dear dad in February was a welcome reminder of what actually matters in life. And by that I mean, love, friendship, family, and being the best person you can be. I know my dad always tried to be the best person he could be, and I am happy to say that I am following suit. If you are struggling with accepting your own flaws, I would encourage you to think differently about them.

What is the point of constantly battling with your innate flaws? It is actually a waste of precious energy and time. If you can learn to see the whole you as imperfectly perfect, then life is going to be a lot more enjoyable. Life is a lot easier when you embrace yourself and your flaws completely and without any conditions. I will strive to always see myself in a balanced way and know that I really only care about what and who truly matters.

So, be courageous enough to accept yourself warts and all, and be courageous enough to go out into the world, as your imperfect self, and still kick arse at life.