Why do we worry about weight? Do you think at the end of your life you will look back and say to yourself, “God I looked good”, or “I am happy I was thin”. The answer to that one is no. You will remember how people made you feel, the memories that you made with those people you had loved.
I have wasted too much of my 39 years of existence, caring too much about the number on the scales. I have allowed it to dictate how I am going to feel on any given day. This is so unhealthy. I forgot for a while that all that truly matters in this life, is who you are inside, whether you are a good person… Kind, caring, empathetic, patient. These are the things I strive to be. Yet all of that became overshadowed by my beliefs and thoughts surrounding my weight and mere looks. What a sad way to exist. I am not proud of the person I have become over the past year; I am ashamed. I forgot what is important, 100%. An ED has been wreaking havoc on my very existence. To the outside world, I may have appeared to have my shit together, but I have been secretly tormented, and sinking…unable to just breathe and find even an ounce of inner peace.
If I could go back a year ago and talk to myself, I would have said, stop obsessing, stop controlling, stop being perfectionistic. You are enough, as you are, as you always have been and always will be. And my dear friends, let me assure you, your Kate is back, and she is now awake from that terrible dream….and awake… and standing back from the obsession. If I’ve been less than a good friend, I am deeply sorry. My priorities have been out of whack.
ED. I know you are trying to keep me safe and keep me protected. But I don’t need you anymore. I see that now…I can see clearly. On a positive, this battle has strengthened me beyond measure. Onwards and Upwards, from here on in, and back to living a life of integrity, moving forward.
There is only one way to deal with an addiction, you must stop feeding it. No more harsh words, no more obsessive thoughts…and a huge amount of self-love.
Love Kate
Kate's Niche 