Author: Kate.Purcell

I have literally never been this happy. There is one very important thing to say though as a follow up to this statement. This happiness isn’t actually to do with my external circumstances at this very time… which are just…amazing…for your information. This is actually to do with my internal world. It is no mistake though, that I believe our internal world often can be reflected in our external world… When things are good inside, things generally look much better outside. And it has taken me some time to get my internal world looking as fabulous as it currently does.

For those of you who know me very well, you know that I have been through very hard times in my early years. Then things got a lot better… with love, work and life in general. That wasn’t the end of my journey though. Since leaving me ex-fiancé roughly 4 years ago, I have been on another journey. Maybe not exactly as difficult as the journey I went on from the ages of 14-26, but difficult, none the less. I have had to find myself again. I have had to try and find inner happiness, self-love and joy… being an independent single gal. I have questioned a lot over the past 4 years… “have I made a horrible mistake?” But I know now that it wasn’t a mistake, to leave my life behind and try and manifest something better…more fulfilling, and something that really ‘fit’ me down to a tee.

I have cried many tears, I have had many a sleepless night, but this doesn’t compare to the amount of internal strength that has grown inside as a result of me, doin’ it on my own. I know now that this was the right path for me, and I have proved to myself that I can be an independent, hard-working, ass kicking woman… who is full of self-love, self-acceptance, and inner peace.

Over these past 4 years I have accomplished a lot…. Not necessarily to be seen by the untrained eye… but to me… I can see it. But the most important thing that I have accomplished, by far, is my ability to completely love and accept who I am, warts and all. Let me tell you, if your life isn’t going exactly the way you want it to… it is ok… to shut down, and then reboot.

The lesson we can all take away from this is that if you truly find within yourself, your own sense of self-love and your own sense of joy and happiness, then your external world, will flourish, in response. I am not going to list the things that I am happy about. The important thing is, that I am happy, inside.

Suffice to say, if I can do it, I know that anyone can, despite past or present adversities. It has been a long, difficult road, but I have so many incredible things to be grateful for. And I cannot wait to see what the future holds. And lastly, I just want to thank my friends and family, even the ones I don’t see too often, as you are all amazing.

We are all going through something at the moment, that we have never been through before. It is a crisis, and we all are just doing our best, to keep our heads above water. During such trying times, we all need to work on having some faith.

Faith has been my ally over these past few years, well… to be fair its actually been my ally for a god damn long time. I like to think of myself as being a bit of a master, when it comes to having faith.

Faith is basically means having an innate sense of trust, that things will work out for the best, in the long run. This makes feelings of discomfort in your immediate present, much more manageable. It doesn’t necessarily mean your feelings of discomfort will dissipate completely, but it helps a great deal.

It is very difficult to have faith when the whole world is focusing on this negative thing. This virus is everywhere we turn, its inescapable. But I try and change my focus. Firstly, it can be helpful to focus on the positives of our current situation – don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that this is easy. But for instance, I am trying to look at this situation as a bit of downtime for myself. I’m keeping it simple. Life is not overly complicated at the moment, its all about staying home to save lives. What can I do at home that I can enjoy? What positives can staying at home, bring to my life? I can rest and recuperate, I can get to know myself again, I can write, I can read, I can learn and reflect. Before this lock-down began, I didn’t have much time for any of these things. I can see this as a positive, to come out of a seemingly negative change to my lifestyle.

I am not letting go of my goals at this time. And in fact, I can be even more focused on my goals. Sure, some goals may not be workable at this time. But you can also add new, more relevant goals. I am still focusing on sticking to my diet, and I am still able to consistently lose weight. I am going to take more time to write and reflect, which was also one of my new years resolutions. I can continue to practice meditation, and can easily practice this on a daily basis. I can get back in touch with old friends and maintain important existing friendships and share a coffee and phone call with them.

I feel like all of these goals are very nourishing. So rather than just watch Netflix all day everyday, I can still focus on self-nourishment, and my goal setting. Don’t get me wrong though, I am enjoying Netflix and chill… I just try and limit it to a few hours a day.

Secondly, I like to focus on what I will do, once this crisis is over. I look forward to being able to work full-time again, and feel purposeful. I look forward to being able to plan a holiday, and I look forward to the contact (and hugs) I will be able to have with family and friends. Little things will make me happy, like being able to sit at my favorite cafe and enjoy a coffee and breakfast. Going to a shopping center to buy a new dress, or even if I’m only window shopping. Going to a nice restaurant for dinner. Being able to go to a concert, or gig without the fear that we have right now at this time.

So… I’ve shifted my focus, to looking at the positives, and I have also tried to be mindful not to stress too much, over things I cant control. I just hold the trust and faith, that we will get through this, and there will be lots of positives when we get to the other side.

Love Kate xx

I still struggle with body image some days. Some days its intense. It feels like a nightmare on those days…. Because I’ve come from a space, many years ago where I didn’t eat… where all I could think about was weight-loss and being thin…to now, being in a space where I have to take medication that has the unfortunate side effect of making me a bit heavier. To say that its hard is an understatement. I have to practice radical self-love and self-acceptance, which is very hard on those really bad days. But what I try to hold onto on those days… is the fact that the majority of the time, I’m actually okay with myself. On the other not so bad days, I feel immense gratitude for all the things in my life, and I feel immense gratitude for the fact that I have a beautifully functioning mind and body. This is what keeps me going. I actually have to say this… I never in a million years would have thought I could love myself, despite not being size 6 or size 8. And whilst I do have my bad days, I can still at the end of the day, love who I am, inside and out. I believe you can be beautiful at any size, and I thank the people in my life now who make me feel beautiful, despite not having “model” looks. But more than anything else, I give thanks to me, because I know it can be hard, but I manage to make sure I show myself unconditional positive regard on most days, and I can leave my apartment feeling love for myself, and feeling confident that I am… okay, and more than that… I am uniquely beautiful in my own way (as is absolutely EVERYONE).

Love Kate xx

I want to write today about goal setting and more importantly, how to successfully achieve those goals. Goals can seem overwhelming at times. We might think, “How am I going to get from the point I am at now (point a) all the friggin way to where I want to be (point b or point c).

The one thing that we must remember in relation to this is…. The most important step you can take to realise your goals is the VERY FIRST STEP. All we need to be able to do is identify what the first step is and take it! This can be scary, but you need to simply trust in the process and trust that if you are willing to take that initial step, the universe will recognise this and help you in your cause! Meet the universe half-way. Things will start to flow; things will start to unfold. But ONLY if you are brave enough to take that first step. From then on, its little steps and little steps and little steps.

For instance, at the moment, I have set a goal to complete a health science degree in Chinese medicine and acupuncture. This is a HUGE goal and is going to involve 4 years minimum of hard work and commitment. I could get very overwhelmed by this. But I took the first step which was to enrol in the course. From here on in I am going to take little steps and focus on each step as I take it. I will also trust that the universe will conspire to help me in my cause, and provide me with what I need, whether that be a new job that works around my study schedule, more time in general to study, or the money I need for text books. The point is I could sit and stress about all the intricacies involved in setting a goal of such magnitude, but that is pointless. Again, having that trust in the universe is KEY for setting and achieving goals. Remember its not just in your scope of control, but that the universe is also on your side, as long as you do your bit and take part in the process of moving forward.

The same goes for any goal, of any size. Once you can identify what it is that you truly want to create or achieve or manifest, have the courage to take that initial step. It’s so powerful. Remember that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You want a different outcome in your life? Do something different! Be brave! It ALWAYS pays off.

Sometimes you need to forgo thinking about all the nitty gritty details of goal setting, and just take powerful action steps and then trust the process! If you follow suit with this kind of thinking, you truly can achieve any goal. The problem is most goal setting and going after your goals, involves an element of stepping out of your comfort zone… which a lot of people are unwilling to experience. Are you ready to make a change and follow what your heart truly desires? I AM.

I really want to finish my book and get it published. I know it needs some serious work though. Since I finished writing that manuscript, back in 2015, my life has changed a lot. The “guts” of the book, if I was to write it again, would remain the same. I would be telling the story of how I grew up, to eventually end up with a severe eating disorder. Then I would tell the story of my recovery from said eating disorder, and how things progressed to rebellion, socialising, raving and drug taking; and then further to my downfall after this phase. I would go into telling the story of how I ended up with severe psychosis and mania, and how this progressed to a diagnosis of schizo-affective disorder.

Then this would be followed by the story of my recovery from this illness…. Which would eventually lead to me meeting my ex-fiancé, and how I started to lead a life that was no longer bound by stigma or other people’s expectations. I would talk about how I made friends, started working in mental health and how I got into public speaking.

But this would be where the similarities end between book written back then, and book written now. Because this point in my life (engaged to be married and working in mental health) was not even close to being the end of my story, or journey.
So much has happened since that time. I left my fiancé, lived independently, and truly found, myself. I found a stability that didn’t come from having a partner or stable job. I found a stability in the sense that I found a way to be well, happy and confident… consistently. I found stability in the sense that I now know who I am…. And I know my limits (better yet I learned to overcome said limits and reach for the stars). I found independence, self-love, and I found a sense of peace with who I am – even with some of the not so “good” stuff.

Sure, I don’t have everything in my life as I want it – yet. But I’m doing my best to make sure this is inevitable! I’m happy and I have faith that more good things will come #manifestation-equation.
My question is this…in terms of finishing my book, do I need to wait until I get to a point in my life where everything is in perfectly in place – job, partner, house etc? (Which will come!) Or do I finish the book whilst I’m standing right where I am now? Happy and so far distanced from mental health stigma that it doesn’t even touch the sides anymore?! From the outside it doesn’t look perfect, but in many ways my life is more perfect now than it has ever really been!

Do I need to wait until I have come full circle? Or have I already come full circle (in an emotional and spiritual sense)?

I guess what I’m trying to ascertain is this… What is the exact message that I want to convey in my book? Is it simply that, I came from hard times, to good times, and I tell the story of how that happened? Is it a message of hope? But also, one of patience, persistence, resilience and courage? Is it one of moving beyond the confines of stigma?
Is it a story of ‘an amazing, happy, fulfilled life, doesn’t happen overnight, but with the right ingredients, is not only possible, but inevitable?’

Do I need to add the sections in about recovery concepts? How music has affected my life? Etc? Or do I keep it as a simple narrative?

What do you think? I would appreciate your feedback!
I really want to finish writing this bitch!

Love Kate xx

I just recently finished a book called “Make It Happen”, by Jordanna Levin. Probably the most helpful and empowering book I have ever read!

It is a book all about the art of manifestation… and it really spoke to me. It talks about the “Manifestation Equation” – which targets 4 factors that you are in control of. The message is that we need all these factors to be working for us, to effectively manifest things that we want and need in our lives. The four factors are:

• Thoughts
• Feelings
• Action
• Faith

I really think I have 3 of these factors, working for me effectively in my life. I keep my thoughts positive, I take the right action steps to meet the universe halfway, and I have complete faith that I can manifest the things I need and want, when the timing is right (although this is a work in progress). The one thing I have been playing around with and trying to master, since finishing the book, is feeling and knowing that I already have manifested what I need and want. It’s a tricky concept…. We have to try to feel what we would be feeling when a, b or c has manifested in our lives. I have been trying to do this in my morning meditations. I sit there calmly and peacefully, trying to feel the feelings of abundance, freedom, excitement, inspiration and security (because I have identified that these are the feelings I would have when I have manifested love, an awesome job, and an abundance of money into my life).

I sit there and I really feel into those feelings. Like attracts like, right? So, if I want to attract a romantic relationship which makes me feel loved and loving, I need to already feel, sense and know that I am loved and loving. Making sense?

The only other really big message that this book gets across is that one thing that can really stand in the way of manifesting what we truly want and need, is limiting beliefs. If we don’t truly believe that we are deserving of those really good things that we want and need, then the universe is going to hear that and therefore there will be a block in your manifestations.

If there is one thing, I have learnt over the course of my life journey, is that amazing things do happen when you truly believe you are worthy of them happening to you. A lot of people don’t believe in miracles, but it has been my experience, that miracles do in fact, happen all the time.

And I really feel deep down, that I am deserving of those miracles and those amazing things. Because I have worked hard at life, and I am a good person…. Just like you!
Probably the one limiting belief I have to still work on, is my ability to manifest financial abundance. I feel that there might still be some scarcity thinking at play in my life. “I never have enough money” or “I can’t afford that” comes up a lot for me. But I’m workin’ on it!!!

I also am working hard at changing the way I feel about my body. If I walk around telling myself that I’m too fat or not good looking enough, well then that won’t bring anything good! Instead I am learning to love myself, curves and all. I am feeling confident and I ooze self-love. I’ve already noticed how much this simple change has impacted my daily experience of life and interactions with people!

With limiting beliefs out the way, and adding in the manifestation equation practice – thoughts, feelings, actions and faith-, I believe I can manifest the life of my dreams.\

And just to clarify…
That might look a bit like this:

An amazing romantic relationship, that makes me feel happy, excited, loved, connected and joyful.
An amazing career/business that makes me feel inspired, fulfilled, excited and happy.
A bank account that makes me feel supported, secure and abundant!

WATCH THIS SPACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I will give updates).

Love Kate x

Do you show up in your life?

What does it mean to show up in your life? I watched a talk by Brene Brown yesterday and she states that the way to show up in your life, is to be vulnerable, take risks, and act with bravery in all aspects of your life.

I had a good think about it and about whether I ‘show up’ in my own life, and if I could do it better.

I realised that I’m actually quite good at “showing up”. I feel like, a big part of being vulnerable, and taking risks, in my life, happens when I simply tell the truth. And this is something I’ve done a lot of…. in the sense that whenever I do public speaking, at an event or on radio, I am open book and I bare all to the audience. I overcome the fear of ‘what people might think’ and risk it all, in the name of something bigger and more important. What I mean by this is, I take the risk, because I want to face my fears, and grow as a person, and I want to reduce stigma in society around mental health issues. I do this by showing the audience, that someone with a serious mental health diagnosis, can achieve as much as anyone else can. So yes, in the public speaking sense, I show up, consistently. And Brene Brown is correct, when she says that being vulnerable is a direct route, to experiencing joy. Some of the most amazing moments of my life, are directly linked to how vulnerable I allowed myself to be, and how much of a risk I have taken.

I have “shown up” in other aspects of my life too. Although probably not as much. I have been in love, and that in itself, is taking a risk. I have gone on dates and been honest about parts of myself that may or may not be seen as good. It’s a work in progress though…. It is a challenge to emotionally expose yourself…. It can feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. But I can tell you one thing I have learnt. That every time I have exposed myself emotionally, and allowed myself to vulnerable, and seen… something inherently good, and pure, and beautiful, comes from it. Although you can experience what Brene calls “a vulnerability hangover”, I swear that when that settles, you can see the gift or gifts in that vulnerable experience.

So I will continue to move forward, facing my fears (which I must say have gotten smaller and smaller, as I stretch myself and take more risks). And I will continue to follow my dreams (the goal posts have changed a lot though, which is super exciting). And I will continue to show up, as much as possible.

Don’t be afraid of vulnerability. It is absolutely the key, to deeper meaning in relationships, and joy in your life.

Be brave and take emotional risks!

I don’t write much anymore. I guess I feel like I’m done with that stage of my life. I spent a lot of time writing and reflecting and when I look over the stuff that I have written, I am very proud of the young woman I was. So insightful and so inspiring, to be honest. What has happened to that young woman? Is she gone?

No, I don’t think she has gone. I think she has grown… and changed. I spend less time reflecting now and more time doing. I’m in an action phase. Which is not to say that I don’t still need time to reflect and look deeply at certain situations. It’s actually very important to take a breather and look around and take stock of where you are in this thing called life.

But I am certainly ready for change and change is where its at right now. I’m ready for a new chapter, and I feel it coming on. I’m embarking on a new journey into eastern medicine, and I couldn’t be more passionate about this. The young woman that was so passionate about her work in mental health, has grown and changed. I feel like I have gotten what I needed from my time working in mental health. I have totally overcome the self-stigma that I felt many moons ago. I am so comfortable with my diagnosis, that in fact, I barely even think about it anymore. I know deep down that, regardless of having a mental health diagnosis, I can achieve anything I put my mind too…. And I have proven that, time and time again. I’ve moved on from that now.

Its time for brand new adventures. Its time for brand new challenges. And I’m excited for what’s coming. I have a couple of months before I begin my studies, and I am going to use that time to get healthy and balanced again. I think I have been a bit unbalanced (with food and alcohol and lack of exercise) and I have lost my mojo a bit over the past few months. I’d say this is because I’ve lost the passion for the work that I am currently doing, not to mention the fact that my romantic pursuits have gotten me absolutely nowhere. But yes. I am going to get my shit together over the next few months. Get healthy again and ready to embrace a new chapter of studying Chinese medicine and acupuncture. I’m sure this change will usher in new, positive energy.

When it comes to romantic relationships, I feel this isn’t actually the right time for that… I was trying to push for it and hope for the best, but its simply not the time.
I look forward to the day, in a few months’ time, when I can say “I am happy, healthy, balanced and READY for a new chapter” in terms of relationships. Then I’m totally sure, things will begin to present. I have total faith in that.

Right now, though. I have some serious work to do.
Wish me luck!!

I have recently been reflecting on the notion of fear and how fear impacts us in our lives. And I was working with a client today and talking about comfort zones and the benefits and pitfalls of stepping out of the zone.

Suddenly, I realised something. Fear plays very little part in my life these days. And when it does rear its head, I maintain a very healthy relationship with it. It no longer controls me or owns me. I can direct my fear and I can become friends with it.
Once upon a time, I was afraid of almost everything. I was afraid of food, terrified of gaining weight.
I was afraid of failing, yet I was afraid of succeeding. I was afraid of being alone, yet I was afraid of being around people. I was afraid of life in general and afraid of what being a part of life, meant. I was afraid of showing up.

How crippling, right?

Well I can tell you now, it was crippling. I actually still tried to live my life, but I was just afraid all the time. The one thing I had going for me I guess, was the fact that I did still try. I didn’t just curl up in a ball and retreat, even though at times that’s all I wanted to do.

So, what helped me?

Well for a start, being on the right medication and receiving the right diagnosis was helpful. And reduced some of the noise that surrounded me. I could focus and ground myself.
But then…. After I was stable, I still had A LOT of work to do. It has taken me 8 years to get to where I am today. I have had to use my courage muscles, every single day, in the gym called life, to get to where I am today. I’m now confident, empowered and happy.
When I started off on my recovery journey, I still had this fear that lingered inside me, a fear that whispered, “what if?” And not “what if” as in positive anticipation, or excitement, but “what if” as a…. “what if I fail?” kind of way. There was so much that was unexplored and unknown. And anything that is unknown, can be scary. But I think what changed for me somewhere down the line was this. I began to see the unknown as exciting instead of scary. Sure, there was still fear there, but I had the thought…. “what if things don’t go wrong…. But instead, they go right?!”

I’m going to reference a quote that I have heard:

“What if I fall????……….But, darling, what if you fly?”

And that is what happened to me (eventually)… I ended up flying. But having said that, there have been countless times where I may not have met the mark, I have struggled, endlessly, with confidence and self-esteem, but I never gave up. I just kept pushing myself, again and again and again, and I overcame a huge barrier whilst doing so. I ended up conquering the task of “not caring what people think of me”. I may have stumbled in front of people; I may have fallen. But I got back up every single time… and kept going in the direction of my dreams and aspirations.

As I kept building my courage muscles, and pushing my boundaries, I realised that nothing was impossible, as long as I continue to overcome my fears. So, I kept raising the bar. Again, and again.

I rekindled friendships and made more, I went on dates, I found love, I found a job, I found a career, I found that I had a knack for public speaking, and a story worth telling, I found myself. I found a recipe for success. All that recipe involved, was using my courage muscles consistently, facing my fears, and aiming for the stars. Things kept falling into place, things kept getting better and I kept getting stronger.

So, now I tell people, you can overcome fears. You can change your life from inside out. You can achieve things you had never dreamed of. You just have to dare to dream, and put aside your fears and take consistent action, in the direction of your dreams. You have to overcome your fear of failure and see any mistakes or stumbles as learning and personal growth. You have to learn to simply not care about the thoughts of others. You have to recognise that the only priority is you getting further along the trajectory towards where you truly want to be. Small steps are important. It’s not the fact that the steps are small that is important, the only important thing is that you take that step and those steps.

Even if you don’t believe in yourself now, you will begin to, once you start moving forward. And then you’ll be unstoppable.

Well, I’m shocked. I’m truly and utterly shocked.

This is not the way I expected to feel at this time of year.  It is not what I had hoped for.

I thought I was onto a good thing. I thought that I had a lot to look forward to.

I thought that I had someone who would be there for me through thick and thin. I didn’t think that person would be creating the hard times…. I thought they would be getting me through those hard times.

I’m trying to be grateful for what I have. I’m trying to see the positive. But I’m just sad. There is an underlying sadness that is just there right now. When will life get back to being amazing? When will life get back to being what I want it to be? Fulfilling, fun, and full of love.

I thought I had it all. The job, the apartment, the man, the friends and family. Despite all the issues I face from day to day, week to week, month to month… I thought things had panned out pretty damn well.

But now…Not only am I not at all happy with my work, I now have lost the one thing that got me through that. My partner.  I’ll keep forging ahead. I’ll keep fighting. But when will I be able to stop fighting with life, and be able to truly enjoy it?

I’m not writing this to get others down or get attention. I’m writing this, with the hope that this time next year, I can look back at these words and realize just how far I have come. I will realize that good things come to those who wait. I really hope that is the case.

Surely there are good things around the corner. Surely there is a pot of gold at the end of this wretched rainbow. Surely, it is my turn, for something good.

Thank-you to all my friends and family that have reached out to me and made me feel a little bit less alone at this time. Words cant describe how much I appreciate your kindness and support.