Author: Kate.Purcell

I am not a drug and alcohol expert, but I know that both drugs and alcohol have played a part in my mental health journey.

I will first talk about my experiences with drugs (prescription and recreational).
I started taking recreational drugs shortly after my stay at Hollywood clinic for my eating disorder back in 2001. I had begun my recovery journey from anorexia, and was starting to live life again. Because I had missed out on over two years of my life I didn’t have many boundaries in terms of my behavior. Friends that I connected with at the time were in that experimental phase and I just jumped on board as I was very curious and experimental myself. I went to a lot of raves and took ecstasy, speed and dexamphetamine.  There were some fun times over the course of 2001 and 2002 but the drug use came to a halt quite quickly at the end of 2002 because things were starting to go pear shaped. I started experiencing bouts of depression and panic; I felt very anxious in social situations and really began to lose my sense of self. I felt as if I was a bit disconnected from reality.

It was easy to see that the root cause of all these dreadful symptoms was the illicit drug use. I have no doubt that if I had not have gone down that particular path, I would have been ok. But at the same time, I don’t regret my actions as I feel that everything… absolutely everything, happens the way it is meant to.

Although my psychosis and schizophrenia didn’t manifest until many years later in 2009, I believe that the seed of these disorders were planted back when I was taking these illicit drugs. In other words, I believe I was predisposed to develop schizophrenia, but the drug use uncovered this vulnerability.

Again, you may ask me the question of “do I regret it all”.

In a way I do but more than anything else I believe I was meant to have these experiences because they led to greater amounts of learning about myself and greater amounts of insight and inner-strength.

I think at this stage back at the end of 2002, I needed to really address what was going on for me mentally – and I didn’t because I found it very difficult to articulate the symptoms I was experiencing. My psychiatrist saw the symptoms of anxiety and depression, and treated me with psychotropic medication to address this. When I took these prescription meds however I felt even worse. Essentially, I believe I should have been treated with anti-psychotics to bring myself back down to earth and really address the root cause of the problem… not just the more superficial apparent symptoms.

It was anti psychotics that saved my life in the end and continue to, to this day. Trying to fix what was going on in my head with antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds just exacerbated the underlying problem – which was a seed of psychosis and seed of mania I believe.

The lesson here really, is that recreational drug use causes mental illness, most of the time anyway. There might be few who aren’t affected in a negative way but I believe that the majority are affected, in varying degrees. For me, I was on the more chronic end of the spectrum. I was affected very quickly, and affected in a way that was irreversible (until I eventually took my antipsychotics anyway). I now strongly advocate for reducing drug use in society…particularly amongst youth… as I know what havoc it can create for people. Just remember, sometimes the damage is irreversible, particularly in the case of meth-amphetamine which is highly used today. Say no to drugs because the link to mental illness is very real and undeniable.

I will talk a little bit about alcohol, which hasn’t been as much of a problem in my recovery journey but it still plays a part in things. For a long time (from around the ages of 18 to 22) I used alcohol to escape the harsh reality I was living in (after the drug use period). Most of the time it was social, with friends, but not always. It was a coping mechanism and a very unhealthy one…. But I suppose it got me through some challenging times. I never became addicted, nor did it ever get in the way of work or uni. But I did become slightly dependent on it – after work I would need a drink to (as I said) escape my reality and my feelings of being really stuck in my life.

Eventually as I got older things got a bit easier and drinking was less of an issue, I drank more moderately and I was feeling healthier and valued my health a lot more. Then I went through the psychosis and developed schizophrenia and I didn’t drink during this time (I just didn’t really feel the need and I wasn’t socializing much anyway). When I did start to socialize (6 months before I turned 28) I found alcohol to be a helpful sidekick, once again. I would drink socially to increase my levels of confidence (I had very little normally). Now that I have found my confidence in life (more often than not), I don’t need to drink for that same purpose. It has been a learning curve trying to find moderation when It comes to drinking… I still tend to lean towards it when things are tough but I am learning different strategies now to deal with tough times. I am much more health focused now and I really do recognize the importance of all things in moderation.
One last thing I will say in regard to alcohol is that you must remember it is a depressant. If you are experiencing bouts of depression, even just in a slight way, please avoid drinking alcohol because it just catapults the feelings of depression to another level. I don’t experience depression very often but last year I did have a small period of severe depression and I used drinking to cope with my feelings. I realized very quickly what a bad idea that was and swore off drinking for a while – and particularly swore off drinking alone. Depression is scary when it hits so making it worse can be very dangerous.

Now I only drink when I socialize and keep it to a maximum of 2 drinks most of the time. I much prefer to live this way now because I feel healthier. And when I feel healthier in a physical sense, I feel healthier mentally. And that is my main priority in life now… my mental health is so important, because without it, I wouldn’t have much else. So again, I would say if you are working with someone with mental health issues, stress the importance of moderation when it comes to drinking; and stress the importance of saying a big no… to any recreational drug use.

Vulnerability provides a space, and is a catalyst for, authentic conversations and genuine human connection… and I have built myself and my life around these “deeply true” conversations and ways of being.

As a young girl I was very vulnerable…. Very sensitive to the world around me. When I got hurt, or when I experienced criticism or rejection or pain, I crumbled. Somehow, I was different than everybody else… I didn’t have a hard shell or a persona that kept me safe from pain and hurt.

Eventually at the age of 13 I began to build up a wall.  I created an armor… to protect myself and counteract my deep vulnerabilities. This armor was called anorexia. For those 3 odd years, I survived because anorexia had my back. In the words of Daniel Johns from Silverchair… anorexia “made the sound of laughter and sharpened nails seem softer”.

Upon the new dawn of 2001, that armor and wall finally broke down because I was brave enough to be exposed, without my eating disorder, for the first time since I was a young child.

For the first time, I really gave life a red-hot go…. I was extremely vulnerable, it was like I was a new born baby seeing the world for the first time… but I let myself be seen…  and I found myself for a while… or did I?

What I think I found was another mask… another protective mechanism. This time though it was different…. And very flimsy. When I got into recreational drugs and things turned pear shaped, I no longer had the resources to wear that old mask. My mask was broken, and I struggled so much because I didn’t want to be seen as vulnerable (or weak) again. After this time though, I wasn’t able to create another mask… and I completely lost a sense of who I was.

My vulnerability was who I was, I didn’t know how to be anything else.

Through all the years of anxiety, dissociation and disconnection, depression and social phobia (from the ages of 18-24), I never used a mask again. I was exposed, yet so very awkward and uncomfortable with that. I very rarely spoke from that place, I had no sense of empowerment around the exposure of my vulnerabilities.

Eventually… things broke down further. A psychotic episode, a manic episode and full-blown schizophrenic symptoms….

After I started the journey of recovery, after I was properly diagnosed and medicated, I had even more to hide than ever before. How could I live with all this shame? How could I be seen as strong and not weak?

And I still didn’t have the inner resources needed to create a nice mask for myself to face the world with. I was still so vulnerable, and I hated it.

What happened next though, was nothing short of miraculous. After meeting my first real love, and particularly after starting to work in mental health as a peer worker (and seeing my illness framed in a much more positive way). For the first (perhaps second?) time in my life I really began to embrace my vulnerabilities, I saw them as a strength and I saw them as a way to really connect with others, and connect on a deeper level with the universe. I started living, using the three C’s… Courage, Connection and Compassion. The 3 C’s saved my life. And learning to see vulnerability as a strength, saved my life. With a deeper connection to others and the world, it gave my life more meaning and more purpose. Had I of adhered to the belief that being vulnerable is a weakness, I simply don’t think I would have survived in this world.

I believe that in order to recover from a mental illness, one has to have the courage to speak openly about their experiences; to overcome the shame that is so often attached to having a mental illness. One has to have the courage to have these conversations, and become vulnerable and exposed.

We must experience the feelings of empowerment and liberation that come along with the telling of our unique story and experience.

There has to be the right forum for these conversations to take place, in order to stay safe, and I was lucky enough, working in mental health, to have had the right forum… people to talk to that saw my illness in a positive light, people that didn’t judge my past. I was extremely lucky in that sense. I got to practice being vulnerable at work… and eventually this spilled over into my personal life. I choose to be vulnerable now, with everyone in my life, as it creates a wonderful bond, and creates a sense of real connection and a sense of deep appreciation, and gratitude for all that is.

Today I am going to write about authenticity and vulnerability; in the context of my life at this moment. Something has been playing on my mind recently. That is; the fact that I live and breathe mental health recovery, yet I’m not entirely honest with all everyone I came into contact with – friends/family/acquaintances/etc. about my experiences. If I am to be truly courageous and If I am to practice what I preach – entirely; I would speak up and tell the truth and be proud of the challenges I have overcome; not afraid to speak up because of the potential judgments of others.

At the end of the day the people I want to be a part of my life, should love me with no conditions; should love me despite my so called ‘imperfections’. If anyone thinks less of me for what I have been through then it is simply their loss – no loss of mine.

So today I am going to make a pact with myself… next time someone asks me a question about myself, my experiences in the past, or what I am passionate about in this life, I will tell them the truth…. Proudly and with no shame attached.

I wrote a blog the other day about being a peer champion, or peer leader. In this blog I talked about my strong commitment to reducing stigma in society… and that the only way of doing this is by speaking out. I do speak out a lot of the time, but certainly not all of the time. I will make this commitment to myself by being true to myself at all times and in all situations. I’ve been stuck in fear for too long. And if there is one thing I know for sure, is that the one sure-fire way to overcome fear is to look at it square in the eye and take positive action.

I wrote that blog the other day not because I was telling you all about how to be a peer champion, I was writing it for myself…. I was writing it because I needed to recognize what I still need to do in order to fulfill that title. I need to be open and vulnerable with everyone who crosses my path… I need to be courageous and stand up for what I believe and what I am passionate about in every interaction.

I may not be a peer leader or peer champion yet… but I’ll tell you this…. I will bloody well get there… because I want to be a change maker and I want to have a positive influence in this world…. And that takes courage… it takes grit… which coincidentally happen to be the two qualities that I totally own.

I’m going to kick some serious butt in this world… it’s time to be seen and heard…and it’s time to show up.

I like to refer to myself as a lived experience champion… or a lived experience leader.

What exactly do I mean by this? and what does it take to become a champion?

Well its simple… I don’t just work as a peer worker on Mondays to Fridays 9-5.

I live and breathe mental health recovery.

I live and breathe to assist in the reduction of stigma in society.

I live and breathe to inspire others on their journey of recovery.

I am a peer worker, 24/7.

And I’m so proud of that.

Lived experience workers (or peer workers) are the new ‘in’ thing in mental health recovery and rightly so. It is so great to see that lived experience is being recognized as just as valuable as a university degree. In fact, it is my belief that its importance surpasses that of a piece of paper.

This is because nothing can substitute raw, real, experience.

Those of us that can show are scars and be proud of them, and use them to help and inspire others, are the real hero’s of this world. And these very real people help to give hope to those others who are still in the midst of their recovery journey, or even in the midst of their illness.

There are many mental health organizations now whom employ peer support workers and peer community workers; and the inclusion of peer workers in mental health organizations is a very clear way of showing the world that we are just as capable, strong and courageous as anyone else.

But what I would like to see is more champions in the field, more leaders. More people that are 100% devoted and committed to changing the way the world views mental illness, and how the world views people’s capacity to recovery from mental illness.

I would like to see more people sharing their stories of illness and recovery, and I would like to see more people speaking out against the negative stigma. I would like to see a peer movement.

Too many of us feel ashamed and/or traumatized by our pasts to use our voices to speak up.

What I want other peers to know is that using your own unique voice, and proudly showing your wounds to others is the one sure-fire way to heal those wounds. It is the one sure-fire way of becoming empowered in your recovery journey…. As opposed to being suppressed and shamed.

We should wear our scars proudly, because each and every scar proves that we survived something difficult. Each and every scar proves that we are resilient and strong.

My journey from being a suppressed, ashamed victim of mental illness, to becoming an empowered, inspiring worker, writer and speaker… is not actually unique or special.

Any number of people could do the same, and become leaders and champions in the field.

It takes a lot of courage, a lot of resilience and it requires that you push through your comfort zone, fearlessly and consistently. But believe me…. The change is possible.

I strongly urge other peers to do the same…. Because there is indeed, strength in numbers. And any message that is shared in vast numbers, will become more powerful and the scope of that message will be far wider than anything we’ve ever seen or heard before.

Let me share with you, my vision for a brighter future. Let me share with you my vision of turning peer workers, into empowered inspiring leaders… into lived experience champions.

I have been on a rocky road since my last blog written on boxing day only 2 weeks ago.

Boredom and isolation triggered a rather nasty depressive episode… which hit me for 6 because the last time I felt depressed I was 18. My thinking started to become very unhealthy and I was starting to self-medicate with alcohol and cigarettes.
I never really understood this until now, but depression can be such a spiral. It grabs hold of you and tightens its grip as your behavior becomes more and more unhealthy.
I did feel a lot better when I went back to work last Wednesday but it took a few days to really feel any sense of hope. I then made the decision on Saturday night that I needed to take control of my life again, rather than waiting for someone to save me. Sometimes you have to be the hero in your own life. Sometimes, there is nothing else others can do…. We must help ourselves, too.

So, I made the decision that I would change my focus to one that is hopeful and positive. I made the decision to quit alcohol for at least 2 months, and then perhaps reintroduce back slowly in small amounts. My drinking had become a problem – and it is in itself a depressant!

I would quit smoking and start exercising and start looking after my physical and mental wellbeing. I will fill my life with good healthy foods, good friends and family, a fulfilling and meaningful day job, and lots of self-care and positive reflection. I will make this year…. My year.

With this decision, came a change of mind frame, and with this change of mind frame, came hope and a sense of happiness. I had found my spark again.

This time a week ago, I resided myself to the fact that I would probably need to have a hospital admission and change my anti-depressant.
Now I know that this is not the case.                                                                                                  And I’m very lucky that this is not the case.

Over the past two weeks, I have realized a few things…

Firstly, that I have amazing friends and loved ones who I can lean on in times of pain and suffering – and I will be forever grateful for this.

Secondly, that we all have more strength than we realize, and, we actually have all the resources we need to get back on top of life, and to start succeeding and winning!

I know now that I have all the resources to find my own sense of happiness and wellbeing.

I know now that I am even more equipped to help others on their own mental health journeys…and that such a huge part of this is helping people to get back on top of their physical/emotional/spiritual health – as we are very complex human beings!

I know now that I have a greater sense of appreciation and gratitude for my health – every single aspect of it.

I feel that this strange, almost unbearable two week journey has given my life more meaning and purpose, and has enabled me to re-focus on what is truly important in my life.

So to the universe, I say thank-you, once again, for these important lessons 🙂

Love Kate xx

It’s boxing day.

Christmas is over for another year and I find myself feeling sad yet full of reflection.

Why is it that people reflect so much at this time of year?

Why is it that some people find this time of year, a little difficult?

I can only speak for myself but I feel that this, really, is the time to assess where we are at in our lives. We reflect on everything…. Including career and relationships, and our most personal growth.

There are lots of things that keep me going at times like this though, and one is the fact that I have indeed grown, as a human being. I haven’t just grown another year older, but I feel I am wiser, stronger and more connected to those that I love.

Every year brings highs and lows, and this year has been no exception. I have had some wonderful times, and made some spectacular memories…. And I feel that I am further along in my life’s journey; learning little (and some big) lessons along the way.

I think, it is so incredibly important at this time of year, to take some time to feel grateful for all that is in our lives – “good” or “bad” or anywhere in between. Essentially, as long as we are learning and growing stronger and wiser each year, that to me, is worth being proud of, and worth celebrating.

Which brings me to my next topic of reflection… love and loved ones.

It’s important to reflect on the people in our lives… the ones that make us feel special; that make us feel loved. But that is again why this time of year is so difficult for some. We may be faced with some time alone. I have a wonderful family, and beautiful friends, but because I am single, I am faced with a certain amount of alone time…. It is just inevitable. And this is hard. I, and many others, can end up feeling lonely… or a little bit sad that we don’t have someone special to spend the holidays with… we are essentially missing our other half, and there are no guarantees as to when this will change. We have to hold onto hope, for another year, that they are out there, somewhere, waiting for a particular chance meeting…. Ready, to fall in love.

Alas, we just have to keep chugging along….and enjoy as much of this time as we possibly can.

I will share with you now another reflection… this one is a little difficult to talk about; but important to say, none the less.

I’m reflecting back on all the Christmas’s I have had. Not so much the ones of late, but the ones when I was really struggling. I hope by talking about this, you may reflect on your own lives, and realize just what we all need to be grateful for… every single day (not just at Christmas).

I’m going to focus on a few particular years of my experiences on Christmas day….

It is 2017 now, and I have been very blessed over the course of the last 6 or 7 years…. I have been well, and therefore happy, and for the majority of this time I had a wonderful partner. I felt very loved and had fun with my friends and family.

Things weren’t always this nice though.

The year of 1999 I didn’t get to enjoy Christmas lunch with the family. I didn’t get to enjoy it at all in fact. I was going through some of the worst stages of my anorexia, and I didn’t eat. I mean, I didn’t eat anything – and definitely not Christmas foods. I was out of hospital, but this only lasted until the day after New Year’s day, when I had to go back through the emergency department at PMH …..

So yes, I spent the millennium countdown in bed, exhausted from trying to maintain a fake happy smile, and utterly exhausted and cold because of the fact I was so malnourished.  The next year was much the same… I remember spending most of this Christmas so stressed by the notion of Christmas lunch that I opted out of it completely, and I had a frozen sustagen drink instead.

Then the year 2009 – I was in the midst of psychosis, but probably not to anyone’s recollection… as I just kept all of my thoughts and feelings to myself. I had no one and nothing in my life except for my immediate family… and I couldn’t even enjoy these relationships because I was far too unwell.

I didn’t think it could get much worse but alas 2010 things were even more hideous. In the midst of the development of my schizophrenia, I didn’t see family at all that day because I ran away from home, in a very bad way… and wasn’t to return until the following day. Again, I had nothing in my life, except my immediate family and of course, illness.

This is why I sit here writing this blog, feeling hopeful. A bit lonely, but forever hopeful, as I know that things change over time, things always get better, and that life, ultimately, is a gift. And Christmas time is a time to appreciate that gift. – Our lives may not be perfect, but my god… if you have your health… you have yourself a gift of gold. Please appreciate your health…. I know what it is like to lose your health… but I also know what it feels like to get it back.

So, in a way, I’ll always be rich. Regardless of whether my life is perfect, or far from it, or some grey area inbetween… I’m rich because I have my health… and much more than that…. I’m rich because of all the relationships I have within this life… because I know what it’s like to be void of these also.

Enjoy your Christmas celebrations, and for those of you who are alone this Christmas, have faith that the new year will bring you all that you need. And in the meantime… learn to love yourself and your own company, be your own best friend, and above all else, be grateful.

Love Kate xx

Hi my name is Kate and I am 33 years old.

I’m here today to talk about my experiences of mental illness and how that has affected my working life… but let me start by introducing myself.

I work in mental health and have done for four years. Getting into the mental health field is single handedly the best thing I have ever done, and I just love it so much. I started off doing PSW and then became a mental health advocate at Alma street and FSH. I’ve recently left this role and have now gone back to doing peer work fulltime at RUAH community services – and I’m very excited about this!

My passions (aside from working in mental health) include, writing and speaking – in relation to mental health recovery, personal development, and reducing stigma in society. I also love seeing friends and family and I like to have fun and laugh a lot!

I have written a memoir that is in its editing stages at the moment… and hopefully will be published soon! I write blogs and I also write presentations. My presentations are generally about one or several of the following topics: my lived experience story, my recovery journey, different recovery concepts such as hope and resilience, and reduction of stigma and self-stigma.

I am telling you all this information so you can start to form a picture of who I am, at this time. Generally, the picture that people form of me is quite a positive one… and this is important, because when I go on to talk about my experiences with mental illness, peoples vision of me can get clouded (when stigma tends to set in).

I have battled mental illness since the age of 13. I went through a horrific time with anorexia nervosa at this time up until 16 – but still battled with it into my early 20’s.

Around the age of 18 I experienced panic attacks/anxiety, as well as depression and social phobia – which probably had a lot to do with taking party drugs at the age of 16 and 17.

This depression/anxiety/social problem lasted (at varying degrees) until around 23.

When I was 24 I had a psychotic episode, which somehow manifested into a manic episode and then manifested into full blown schizophrenia. I battled with all of this for about 2 years and medication saved my life. I have been well ever since (mid 2011) although I still experience anxiety.

The important thing to remember about me, is that despite going through almost all mental illnesses under the sun, I have made an amazing life for myself. One that I am very proud of and excited about. In other words, remember that recovery from serious mental illness, does happen! And remember that people with serious mental health diagnosis’ are capable of living amazing lives!

I have purpose in my life now, to prove the nay-sayers wrong… to help society see that we (people with mental illness) can strive and thrive in life… to help society see how awful mental health stigma is, how unnecessary it is, and how much it can affect people’s ability to recover and move forward in their lives. So, say no to stigma!

It is safe to say I have worked alot whilst being unwell – when I was acutely unwell and also when I was mildly unwell.

Let me go through my work life experiences with you…

I started at Wendy’s when I was 16 but I was doing quite well then so there were no issues. I started at hoyts when I was 17 which started well but I ended up being quite unwell when I was working there at the age 18/19.

I dropped out of working life for a short time (because I was trying to focus on my wellbeing), but then did a retail course and worked at David Jones and a little boutique store in the city.

From there I worked at a party store from about the ages of 22-24 and then I became acutely unwell again and didn’t work for some time.

I moved down south in the midst of this and ended up getting a waitress job at the local café (this is when I was still acutely unwell.
Then when I moved back to Perth in late 2010 i wasn’t working and didn’t work again til late 2011 where I got a sales position at a health food store.

I was there until late 2013 and since then have been in the mental health field as a peer worker and advocate at Alma street hospital.

I must say the majority of the time I have worked whilst experiencing a mental health issue, I have been lucky enough to hide my symptoms as they weren’t obvious to the outside world. I always put on a relatively good front when at work so to be honest I never disclosed anything until I worked at the health food store in 2012 when things had improved a lot (but still weren’t perfect).

Then moving into the mental health field was very liberating and empowering because I was able to disclose my illness and experience and it was seen as a positive in that I could now help others going through similar situations. I didn’t disclose specifics to colleagues at the beginning but now I am absolutely open book with everyone.

I will say though that throughout all these different jobs over the past 15 years or so, I did find it very difficult to get through work – especially in the earlier days when I didn’t have a clear diagnosis and I was just distressed a lot of the time. These days are pretty good though.

For anyone listening that is working with a colleague that has mental health issues, be nothing but compassionate and helpful, because you don’t know how much they might actually be suffering.

I will also say that don’t think for a second that people with a mental health diagnosis are not capable of working…. It may be hard for them to keep going day after day at times, but they are still able to carry out work tasks – to think otherwise is a big mistake and a very stigmatized view.

What these people need is understanding and even some extra support at times. What they don’t need is judgment or ridicule.

There were never any changes at work to help me, but this is mainly because I didn’t disclose to anyone. This is until I worked at the health food store where I told a colleague about the schizophrenia. This didn’t go down well. I felt so judged by my boss and my colleagues and completely ostracized and they would just ignore the fact that I may have been struggling or having a bad day. So please don’t make the same mistake as them…. It made life extremely difficult and I had to have a great deal of resilience to get through work each day.

At work now in the mental health field, things are different as everyone is open book about mental health. I am open with my boss if I am struggling and they ask me if there is anything else they can do to support me through. I am incredibly lucky to have this experience now… but it is what every workplace should be doing… acceptance, understanding, compassion, support and non-judgment.

Just recently in fact I have found my confidence has been wavering a bit, and my social anxiety has been playing up. My doctor and I decided that I should take two weeks leave from work to do a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy course at Perth Clinic. I have done this before and it works wonders.

So I had to be honest with my boss about the fact that I need extra time off at the moment and he was very accommodating and non-judgmental. I foresee that returning to work in the new year will be without any issues, as there will be no problems explaining to people where I have been and what I was doing. In fact, it may even be looked at as a very positive thing, because tools that I learn to better cope with my life, can in turn help other people that I work with to improve their lives.

For me to stay well these days, involves a few key behaviors. I pretty much have this down to a fine art these days!

I need to get a really decent amount of sleep every night, particularly during the work week… if I miss out on too much sleep my mental health declines quite rapidly.

I make sure I eat healthy and exercise when I can.

I use a lot of self-care… I am very kind to myself on a daily basis, and don’t get too bogged down with responsibilities. The most important thing we have is our health and wellbeing, so I do anything I can to nurture this. Work aside, I spend a lot of time looking after myself, and a lot of time with good friends and family – both of these are absolutely essential.

The last thing I will say around tips for working with people with mental health issues, is….

Don’t be afraid to ask, “are you ok”?

And don’t be afraid to talk about mental health.

The more we talk about it the less stigma around it and the less shamed people will feel when they present with a mental health issue.

This is so important because people with mental health issues need to accept and love themselves completely; and this is so much easier when other people in their lives accept them and respect them and love them for who they are – mental health issues and all.

On the whole my experiences of working with a mental health issues have been quite negative (aside from when I started working in mental health). As I said for the most part I covered everything up pretty well, but if anyone suspected anything not right, I always felt judged and nobody would ever talk to me about it – aside from talking behind my back.

So please do what you can to support people in your organization, who may be struggling in one way or another. The world needs more compassion and much less stigma.

Thankyou!

I have been on quite a rollercoaster ride in the past few months (and if I’m honest with myself – the whole year). I have started a new job and have a new home. I’ve gained people in my life and lost people in my life. I’ve discovered what things matter and what things really don’t matter. At the end of the day, I know I am incredibly blessed, but this doesn’t cancel out the trials and tribulations that life can (and has) thrown my way. We must never lose our resilience, and our strength, because we need this to keep going when times get tough. We must never lose our sense of wonder and curiosity, because without these, we become cynical, fearful, and negative. We must roll with changes and the unpredictability of life, because everything in life comes and goes, ebbs and flows, and acceptance around this is essential.

Here are a few of the most important elements of what I have learnt this year:

Gratitude is so important for happiness:

Without it, it is too easy to focus on the negatives and this can become overwhelming and effect your mood and wellbeing. You will in turn attract more of the negative and less of the positive. I have practiced gratitude consistently this year and it has helped me attract some wonderful things into my life. Recently though, I have been too wrapped up in the goings on of life, to really take the time to smell the roses and give thanks for all the wonderfulness in my life. I am now making a new goal to re-focus my lenses of gratitude and appreciation.

Balance is Key for staying well:

The importance of physical health is paramount when dealing with mental/emotional issues. The moment I get too tired, or feel unbalanced in my lifestyle, is the moment I begin to slowly drown in the many responsibilities of my day to day life. Things get hard. Things become foggy. Life becomes an uphill battle. We make choices every single day, how we choose to live this life. I now choose wellness. Which, for me means sleep and exercise and a healthy diet. Never underestimate the power of these three things.

Friends and family are the most important part of my life:

Work will come and go; money will come and go… but friends and family are there for life. Ok, not all friends are there for life, because people do change, and circumstances can change. But none the less it is so important to recognize the importance of friendships… and also let your friends know how much they mean to you, regularly. I don’t think we appreciate friendships as much as we could. It is important to remember that there are a lot of people out there, that have no one (like me many moons ago). And how lucky are we that we have at least a handful of true friendships? It is literally like gold. This has been more in my general awareness of late, because of the struggles I have had. Friends (and family) make a tough time, bearable. Friends and family ease the pain, and give you hope to fight another way; and they are there to celebrate your wins. I choose to recognize and appreciate my wonderful friendships and family.
What other people think of you doesn’t really matter:

Nor should it affect how you live your life… Nor should it affect who you are and/or your self-worth and self- esteem. Because I deal with the intense sting of mental health stigma, on almost a daily basis at times, I am consistently faced with this difficult truth. I could let what others think of me, affect me to the point where I could give up completely…. To the point where I could begin to crumble as I start to believe other people’s harsh judgements. But I don’t. I made a choice a long time ago that I would keep moving forward in my life, no matter what. And when I say “no matter what”, I really mean that. For all I care, everybody in my life could judge me, but I would choose not to let that determine who I am, what I want, or what I can achieve in this life. I choose this path of self-determination and freedom of choice.

We must have the courage and strength to say… “I don’t care what you think, I am enough even without your approval”.

There is one fact I know to be true…. We all want to feel secure and safe in this world. We like to feel that we can predict that life will be a certain way in the future; and that certain situations, and certain people will always be present in your life in some form or another.

The reality is though, that things change all the time, people change, and circumstances change. This is inevitable; but this can leave us feeling very uneasy and may cause some anxiety.

I have recently been through an upheaval, lots of change in my life, perhaps some for good, and others not so much… but change none the less. And I have been trying to make peace with all those changes… and trying to make peace with the fact that my life doesn’t look at all like it did this time last year, or the year before that, or the year before that!

No doubt this time next year things will look different again. So, I think what we must do is embrace change and remember that it is simply the nature of the world we live in. Buddhists refer to this notion of impermanence as “non-attachment”. And I think we would all benefit from a little bit of this type of thinking. Non-attachment does not mean that we don’t care about a person/material possession/etc. It simply means that we are in a state of mind of being objective and that we don’t cling onto something with a desperation that it must never be lost.

We need to simply trust that the right people (and the right situations and resources) will be in your life at the right time… and when I look back… I see that this is 100% true. I am so very grateful for all the people that have passed in and out of my life, and I am so grateful for those people who are currently in my life. I have faith that things always unfold as they should, and that any fork in the road is not only necessary, but often a blessing in disguise.

When we think in this way, and accept life in this way, we sidestep unnecessary pain and suffering. Don’t get me wrong, grieving the loss of something or someone in your life is very important… and very healthy. Allow yourself to do this, and then move on in a way that is trusting of what will be, and grateful for what is.

Today I would like to reflect on resilience. This is because it may spark something for someone reading this blog….  But more than that, it is a gentle reminder to myself, the importance and the power of inner strength. Resilience is basically our ability to keep going when things are tough… it is that small yet powerful thing inside ourselves that whispers to us, “I must keep trying, no matter what”.

Resilience and I go way back…. Back to the days of anorexia when all I wanted to do was give up, because of the constant internal distress… but I kept facing another day, and another, and another. Back to the days when I had no idea what was wrong with me…. When I was scared all the time. It is important to note here that a level of resilience can still co-exist with fear… being afraid doesn’t mean you are weak or lacking resilience. It simply means we are human. But we have a choice as to whether we live with the fear, and keep going, or simply give up. It takes tremendous strength to do the former… but I have become an expert at this.

I feel that I would not be here today, had I not built up a huge impenetrable wall of resilience inside myself, that allows me to greet challenges with confidence and even a sense of appreciation.

This wall is not a wall that keeps others out, it is simply a wall that creates a shield…. It creates armor. This armor is absolutely 100% necessary in order to live as a human being. Without it… life becomes too much, you become overwhelmed and simply crumble when being faced with anything that isn’t desirable.

One thing that helps me to keep going at times is the thought that, “hey… things could be worse… I have been through worse; and I have survived…. Therefore, I can survive this”

Also, finding that tiny spark of gratitude for what you have, can spark feelings of hope and can give you strength.

Just a little bit more insight into me…. I can go for days where I struggle… but nobody would ever know, because I just keep going. I just keep striving and looking forward, no matter how uncomfortable or undesirable circumstances are in my life. I keep going because I know that everything is temporary. There will soon be a day where everything is wonderful, and there will soon be a day of relief from the discomfort. I know this. And when you know that and have faith in that… it makes the unbearable, bearable.

If there is one thing I have learnt over the course of my life… it is that miraculous things can occur, as long as you keep trying. Life has a way of surprising us at times, when things just work out for the best. So, the very key thing here is…. hold on, pain ends. Hold on, because even one good day out of 10 bad days is worth the effort of holding on. That is what I constantly remind myself. No matter what I am going through at any given time, I know…. And I mean know… that it will be worth it in the end.

It will be worth it because life can present us with so many wonderful gifts…. If only we have the courage to believe that…. And the courage to keep going, always.

• Resilience is the reason I am alive, and that is not an exaggeration.
• Resilience is the reason I have been able to attract so many good things in my life, despite consistent challenges.
• Resilience is Key for recovery from a mental illness.
• Resilience is a learnt behavior.