Author: Kate.Purcell

I have started seeing a psychologist, and a dietician that specialise in eating disorders. So…what am I learning in this – rather scary and overwhelming – process? That Kate HATE’S eating disorders. They are everything she doesn’t want to be in this life. Kate aligns with the concepts of self-love, self-compassion, and the power of daily self-care and being kind and loving towards the self. This is what I have always aligned with, and I used to be proud to say that I was indeed recovered from my eating disorder, particularly looking back about ten years ago. I could stand with my head held high and tell other people that it is possible to love yourself completely, regardless of your weight and/or shape.

But what has happened? Weight loss, whilst it was healthy and commendable at first, became an addiction. And this beast of a thing has grabbed me with both arms and has been sucking the life out of me. I never thought thinness was achievable again for me, particularly because of my situation with a hefty daily dose of anti-psychotic medication. But alas, I learnt it was possible, with a lot of hard work, and this potential to be thin has overtaken my mind and my soul. I am not proud of the person I have become. I am still Kate, for the most part, but my reality has been skewed…. My sparkle… dulled.

Thinness has become the only goal. And that is a very hard thing for me to admit, as someone who has always set amazingly positive and admirable goals for myself, and for the majority of them, I would indeed achieve them. This goal of thinness is not important, and I am beginning to see that. But this beast has me in its extremely tight grip. And it isn’t letting go. I am trying my utmost to remind myself of what is actually important to me…. To Kate. There are 2 things in particular that I am trying to focus on. Firstly, I have to think about my physical AND mental health.

We need good nutrition to function in life and being malnourished from Monday to Friday – just doesn’t cut it. I am trying to see that increasing my levels of nutrition and nourishment by increasing my daily intake, is a very good – and important thing. My body AND my brain, deserves to be nourished – I deserve nourishment. This is part of daily self-care and part of being kind and loving towards the self. To starve oneself – is completely the opposite. So, why starve? Only because the beast of an eating disorder has convinced us that this is the only way to stay in control, the only way to be acceptable – enough – and the only way to be happy.

However, it never gets to happiness, because the eating disorder simply pulls us further into the disorder. You will never be thin enough. And this is what eating disorders do. I am trying to boost my nutrition to boost my ability to see things clearly, and truly as they are. The other thing that I am trying to focus on – to get KATE back in control – is looking at my identity. I am presenting publicly – 5 times over the next 2 weeks for mental health week. When I do public speaking, I want to walk the talk, so to speak.

So, when I stand up and speak about recovery, I want to at least be able to say, that I am committed to recovery. That I am committed to healing on all levels. I think it is OK to say that this is still a work in progress – because honesty is good. But I don’t want to stand up and admit to the audience that the only thing that is important to me right now is thinness. That is not who I am – AT ALL. My psychologist asked me today how I will best navigate this situation – with public speaking. I think it really is about intention. I can still have admirable intentions. Even if I am not quite there yet – even if I am not as recovered as I wish to be. I can still say that I am giving it my all; that I am putting up a fight against my eating disorder, and I can be honest when I say that I really do know how sneaky ED’s can be. They can creep in, without you realising.

But it isn’t too late for me. I will continue to fight this battle, and that is admirable – inspirational even. As long as Kate is still in there, battling her way through, then she can still align with who she wants to be. It might be a long road. But I am committed to this recovery journey. I am telling my eating disorder to F*** off. One small step….one day at a time. Wish me luck – this beast is very strong and VERY persistent. I honestly wouldn’t wish this on my greatest enemy. But when I win – and I WILL win – I will be even STRONGER than I ever have been before.

Quote (Kate Moss) – “nothing tastes as good as thin feels”. This is an absolute joke, and I can see that now.

Kate xxx

In the words of Three Days Grace – I hate everything about you (ED), so, why do I still love you??

So – What matters? And more importantly, what doesn’t?

Does being thin even matter in the slightest? Only according to an ED.

Why? Because weight loss becomes an addiction. It feels like you’re in control. It feels like you have the power. But you actually do not. The ED is in control. The ED has the power; to think otherwise is simply a delusion.

Sure, your health is so important. So, staying at a healthy weight can be a real concern for some, and it was for me. But being thin???? Not anywhere near as important.

Who you are as a person is important. Achieving your goals and dreams is important. And your personal relationships…oh so important.
Love, friendship, family, fun, adventure.

And really, for me, personal growth is very important. And to be honest, this incessant obsession with weight actually gets in the way of my personal growth. I am not really growing. I am stuck. All of my extra energy goes towards this obsession, where I could be using this energy for something greater and more meaningful.

I want to be kind; I want to be compassionate and patient. I want to be a better friend, partner, daughter, and sister. I want to move towards my goals and dreams. This is what matters most of all.

How do I step off this merry-go-round?
I have so many wonderful things, wonderful people in my life, and I am achieving some really great things. How can I shift the focus to what really matters at the end of the day?

This is the journey that I currently still find myself on. The fact that this weight obsession can crush my spirit on any given day, and ruining my sense of happiness, depending on the number that stares up at me from the scales… is simply ludicrous. I won’t let it win.

Mark my words.

Whenever I am challenged, I tell myself (I tell this to my clients too), that I have been through things that are 10,000 times worse than this. I have been greatly challenged in my life, particularly the first 26years of my life. I was challenged in ways that most people simply cannot relate to, and in ways that were exceedingly unfair. I didn’t deserve such immense heartache and mental distress…without much reprieve at all… but one absolutely amazing thing that these kinds of consistent struggles bring, is a very high level of resilience and inner strength.
I think that I forget this sometimes and hey, I still get challenged to this day, but I must consistently remind myself that “I’ve got this” … I have been through MUCH worse than this.

Really, I have been considering how this would work for my clients. I need to make it very clear to them, most of whom, are still in struggle town in the beginning stages of their recovery, that they can literally look at it this way…. If you’ve been through considerable mental distress, and you’re still standing, you can literally do anything. People that have experienced mental illness, are ahead of the game; they are much more resilient than they may realise, and certainly more capable than other people may think.

I started off with absolutely nothing, and from the very beginning, I started to take small steps forward – very small even, but still steps forward. I attribute where I am in my life today, (which is literally full to the brim with amazing things and amazing people) to this daily practice. I was very, very afraid of moving forward in my life, and it was very, very uncomfortable at times, but hey, I just had to remind myself of where I had been, and I had to just know that I had enough strength to get through absolutely anything. So set goals for your life that align with this truth…

This is a welcome reminder. As sometimes I get challenged in ways that I still feel are essentially unfair…. Sometimes I feel like life shouldn’t be this challenging. But it is what it is, and this is my lot in life. But then when I have days and weeks that go exceptionally well (which does happen a fair bit actually!) I feel so incredibly blessed, and so incredibly happy (almost to the point of bursting). And this makes all the challenges – even the unfair ones – completely worth it, 100%.

This is the kind of message that I need to express to my clients, as I am sure they can find a bit of hope and a bit of extra strength and resilience… which is key. So, I will remind them.

So, remember, if you have been greatly challenged in your past, and if you are still standing, that makes you incredibly strong and resilient, and actually…. Absolutely amazing. Don’t forget it.

You are immeasurably strong. You’ve got this.

Love Kate xxx

What exactly is self-care?

It is how we reclaim our power.

It is engaging in anything that nourishes and/or nurtures you and your unique soul.

It is listening to music, it is watching a comfort TV show, it is taking a bubble bath (cliché but still good).

But it is so much more than that. It is the way to take your power back, and it is the way to show yourself love and kindness, which we all need, every day. Sure, we can’t engage in self-care all the time, because of work and family and other responsibilities, but we must try and find some time every day to nourish and nurture, even if it’s only for half an hour.
Every so often we also deserve a day dedicated to self-love and self-care, because we are legitimately worth it 100%.

To think that we are being selfish, or to think that it’s not as important as everything else in life, is simply not ok. Particularly if you struggle with mental health issues or self-worth or self-esteem issues, self-care is the way to stand up and say (to yourself and everyone else), I AM WORTH IT. When I say, take your power back, I mean specifically, how to go from giving away your power, endlessly, to other people’s wants and needs, to going back to basics and showing yourself much-needed kindness and care. In this life, you must be your own best friend, this is so important.

And wouldn’t you treat your best friend with kindness and care? Wouldn’t you encourage them to look after themselves and take good care of themselves? This is what we must do for ourselves! You don’t need to wait for someone to give you permission, by any means. Because, quite simply, each of us are deserving of that.

Try and carve out a half hour a day – dedicate a half hour a day – to nurturing and nourishment of the self. You wont regret it one bit. It will in turn, give you more energy!

For me, cranking tunes on the way to and from work, counts as self-care, enjoying a nourishing meal, enjoying a funny TV show that makes me giggle (Friends or Brooklyn 99, specifically), or writing a blog, are all things that fill my cup. And think about it, what drains our cup? Responsibilities generally do, work etc (no matter how much you enjoy your work, it still empties your cup after a while), and stress in general. I’m sure we can all relate to this.

You cannot give from an empty cup, so fill your cup with self-care and self-love practices; try for daily if you can.

Some additional self-care ideas:

Spending time with animals

Spending time in nature

Spending time moving your body

Spending quality time with wonderful, nourishing friends

Making time for laughter and humour

Enjoying a glass of wine/beer (or for me, pink gin)

Being creative in whatever way fits for you…. Writing/art/craft/making music etc.

If you don’t actually know what fills your cup, what nourishes and nurtures you, then try some things out and see what works. This can be a pleasurable process!

Remember, you deserve love and care, and remember, the most important way of getting this love and care, is from yourself!

Happy self-caring!

Love Kate xxx

EDIT: On a side note, the other way to take your power back and reclaim your power, is to engage in positive and nurturing self-talk, be open to embracing who you truly are, and remember to be patient with yourself, practice self-forgiveness and self-acceptance, moving forward. This will improve your self-worth and improve your self-esteem.

Signed hard copies of Hope Inc available from today!!! $30 plus $14 postage. Please email me at katepurcell.hope@gmail.com to order your copy.

Books ordered will be posted the next business day and should arrive within 3 days via Express Australia Post.

E-books books can also be purchased from online book stores.

It was Christmas 2010. And whilst I didn’t know it at the time, my schizophrenia was in the midst of unfolding. I was highly unstable, and I was experiencing many pre-schizophrenic symptoms. I hid in my bedroom that Christmas day, and then climbed the fence so I could run away to the park down the road without being noticed. I was angry and upset, and I had no idea why. Later that day, I caught a bus into the city and booked myself into a crappy motel with what little money I had at the time. I literally didn’t know what to do with myself, so my very small frame went and bought copious amounts of food, and binged and purged all night. I don’t think things could have been any worse, and my family were beside themselves with concern and they were very distressed as they were witness to my totally mad behaviour.
It hadn’t been a good year either, as prior to schizophrenia the symptoms starting to unfold, I had experienced the very depths of psychosis – which I was in for a year, and then a manic episode, followed by a mixed episode with all sorts of intense, negative emotions. The Christmas of 2009 I was in a psychiatric clinic so really…. I had been very unwell for a long time.
It saddens me, as Christmas time was always my absolute favourite time of year, prior to these 2 Christmas’s. Even when I was in the depths of anorexia 10 years prior, I was still at home with my family for Christmas, even if I didn’t eat, I was surrounded by loved ones and spent time opening Christmas gifts from family.
As the schizophrenia unravelled, I started to experience an array of different symptoms. I was delusional, I experienced terrifying tactile hallucinations, and I was extremely obsessed with angels and spiritual guides. I could also feel something controlling my movements, which was also terrifying and confusing.
It took me moving out of my mum and dads’ home, and into my aunty and uncles house, to finally come to the realisation that I needed help. A short stay at another psychiatric clinic, a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and a strict medication regime later, I was back on track. Whilst the first year of my recovery journey was like pulling teeth, with all the challenging mental health stigma that surrounded me at every turn, I finally found sanity, after a very long time of being unwell and unbalanced.
From 2012, up until now, things have improved tenfold. Fast forward to now, I am in a wonderful relationship with my soul mate of almost 6 years and we own our own home; I just had my 40th birthday party, where about 60 of my closest friends and family attended – I have amazing friends. I work in the mental health space, which I have done for the past 11 years, I have written two books, and I am onto my third currently. My first book ‘Hope Inc’ is being re-released January 2025, my second book, ‘Level Up’ is being released in April 2025, and my third book all about recovery from an eating disorder is currently being worked on.
I have had a lot of experience already sharing my story, with public speaking, and talking at mental health conferences etc. And there is going to be much more of this moving forward.
And this Christmas, is going to be epic, I will be waking up to my partner Leon and our pussy cat Panther, opening Christmas gifts whilst watching National Lampoons Christmas vacation and drinking mimosas (tradition) – maybe some croissants with ham and cheese also. There will be family lunch, secret santa and catching up with friends in the evening. It is going to be everything a Christmas should be, joyous and indulgent; and it is a far cry from my 2010 Christmas. And when you think about the fact that this was merely 14 years ago, it is pretty incredible.
My experiences with not only psychosis and schizophrenia, but also my experiences with anorexia nervosa, have enriched my existence. Because I know what it feels like to not have anything… and I know what it feels like to not have any sanity. I couldn’t be happier and more grateful of where I am at now, and I am ready to share my experiences with the world, through my books that I have written. What a cathartic experience.
Look out for my first book re-released on the 14th of January 2025. Hope Inc is a story of hope and redemption.
Merry Christmas, I hope it is joyous, but if it isn’t, for whatever reason, I pray that things will improve, as they have done for me.

It is Christmas time. And Christmas is all about sitting around the table with your loved ones and enjoying Christmas fare. This can be a joyous time for most, however for someone living with an eating disorder, this creates havoc within. At Christmas time in 1999 – 25 years ago – all I ate at Christmas lunch was a frozen Sustagen drink, and this was not with my family, but in the corner of my loungeroom, all by myself. As sitting at the dinner table created too much angst. Let me tell you about my journey through anorexia nervosa.
I started losing weight at the end of year 8, and by the time I was 14 things had escalated. At the beginning of year 10, my parents made me go to an ‘assessment’ at Princess Margaret Hospital, where I was swiftly diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. Two years, 10 hospital admissions and many tube feeds later, I was at rock bottom. I had no hope for the future, I had nothing normal in my life apart from my immediate family, and anorexia had the control. My weight dropped to 29kgs on my 10th admission, and I ran away from hospital one night when I was moved to a surgical ward – the nurses had absolutely no clue and no compassion for eating disorder patients. I pulled my feeding tube out on the side of the road, and I proceeded to a nearby restaurant to call my family to pick me up and take me home. Of course, they picked me up and took me back to Princess Margaret. It was heartbreaking for all of us. But something needed to be done to save my life. As things just kept getting worse and worse. At one stage I remember freaking out about toothpaste being too many calories, and not brushing my teeth for days. All I wanted…. Was weight loss, at any cost.
So, my parents decided to do something different. They had me admitted to Hollywood Private Psychiatric Clinic – where there was a dedicated eating disorder program – but boy, did I resist initially. I knew other girls that had gone there and put on weight – they were made to eat normal foods at normal times. I remember getting physically violent – pushing my mum and dad when I was trying to get them to see that I could do it (recover) on my own.
I didn’t have a choice. And for the first couple of months at Hollywood Clinic, I continued to resist. I didn’t really talk -if I did it was in whispers. I still barely ate and wasn’t really putting on any weight.
Eventually though, with the help of the nurses and other patients – and my doctor calling the shots – I started to feel a glimmer of hope. I was at Hollywood for 7 months straight. It was my second home. Things began to change. For the first time in my entire life, my self-worth began to improve, and I started to feel like I truly deserved a happy, healthy life. Don’t get me wrong… the gruelling process of starting to eat normal foods again, and gaining weight, was exhausting, and excruciating at times. But I managed to get through the hard slog, and I started getting excited about living.
The experience of going through anorexia and coming out the other side has been incredible, having said that, further challenges lay ahead for me. But I want others to know that recovery from an eating disorder is entirely possible, even if the situation seems dire.
Part of what got me through the very beginning stages of recovery, was simply having others hold a sense of hope for me. I didn’t believe in my ability to stand up to anorexia and move forward, but the nurses and the other patients did. Listening to their kind and compassionate words did heal me to a certain extent. Without my clinic family, I may not be here today to tell my tale. Patience, kindness and compassion were key. The other thing that was important was having my immediate family always by my side. They too, were exhausted and frightened by the situation I found myself in, but they were always there, even when I would treat them poorly. I did over those 2 or 3 years, break many windows and curl up quite regularly in a ball of total distress, because I didn’t know how to fight the beast within.
My dearest dad, who is sadly no longer with us, and my mum, did indeed become my allies in this whole journey and I will always be incredibly grateful for their support and their understanding. If you are reading this and you have a loved one going through an eating disorder; rather than let it tear your family apart, let it bring you and your family closer together. Your loved one needs to know you are there and needs you to hold hope for their journey and their future.
After all these years (25 years), only now am I ready to write a book describing that painful period. The painful journey of anorexia nervosa. More than anything else now, I want to help others by sharing my story.

As someone who experienced severe anorexia between the ages of 14-16 and 11 hospital admissions, I have a fair bit of knowledge around what is helpful and what isn’t regarding treatment. I had 10 admissions at Princess Margaret Hospital for children, on the medical wards. This was an extremely unpleasant experience, having to be force fed and gain weight when that actually was quite traumatic, considering the nature of anorexia.

The situation with other eating disorder patients was deplorable. Again, because of the nature of anorexia, there was constant comparison in terms of how thin I was compared to all the other patients. I was 38 kilos when I initially got admitted to PMH, and by the 10th admission my weight had whittled down to 29 kilos. This constant thriving to be thinner and thinner, was definitely a side-effect of the relationship between the other eating disorder patients. The relationships were very negative, and not supportive by any means.
Add to that, the treatment by staff, only made the situation more unpleasant and even traumatic. Like with any mental illness, it is not by any means a choice. Eating disorders and all other mental illnesses are a disease. It is not something that anyone chooses.

But the treatment by the nursing staff did not show that they understood this truth. They were for the most part, very judgmental and rude. Whilst they didn’t exactly articulate their distaste, their actions and attitudes demonstrated this. There was a teenage ward at PMH, and there were a handful of staff there that were slightly more compassionate and non-judgmental. However, any of the other wards, held a sense of impatience and judgment. They had no idea how to deal with anorexic patients, and one day, on about my 9th admission, I was transferred to the surgical ward, due to lack of beds. The nursing staff on that ward – and one in particular, sat on the end of my bed waiting for me to eat my evening meal- and was extremely impatient and critical due to the fact that there was no way I was going to sit there and eat the hospital food – lasagne in particular. I was so distressed, that I ran away that night, from the hospital, and I pulled my feeding tube out on the side of the road, proceeded to a nearby restaurant where I called my family to pick me up. Fortunately, they came to my rescue, however their hearts were broken when they were to take me straight back to the ward for further treatment.

Like with any mental illness, people suffering need compassion, understanding, patience and above all else, a sense of empowerment. What I got from most of the nursing staff, was the complete opposite, and I guarantee I wouldn’t have run away that night had the staff been more humane and had kinder souls.

The recent article about Jenni Matters and her devastating treatment from nursing staff, is far too common. It’s just not talked about. And something needs to be done.

At this point in 2025, peer work has become a very important part of treatment, having someone who really understands to provide support is imperative. But aside from this, there really, truly, needs to be some staff training around eating disorders, including from eating disorder professionals, and those with a lived experience of eating disorders. There needs to be a change.
I will say however, that after this running away incident, my parents then decided to do something different… as my health continued to rapidly decline. They sent me to a private hospital, Hollywood Clinic, with a dedicated eating disorder program.

I have to point out just how different this experience was for me. The (majority) of nursing staff at Hollywood, demonstrated great levels of kindness and compassion. They were patient when they sat with us at mealtimes, they encouraged us, and ultimately believed in our recovery, which led to us feeling empowered. And like I said, this is exactly the sort of support we needed.
But public medical hospitals, desperately need to change, so we don’t see a repeat of what happened with Jenni. Lives are literally at stake, and the support we receive or don’t receive, will indeed affect our ability to move forward in our journey, or go backwards…

Read more about my journey of anorexia nervosa in my memoir Hope Inc, which is being released on January 14th.

I thought I would do the right thing this Christmas and work on not being obsessed with my weight on a daily basis. I would normally weigh myself daily (something I am still working on) and I know from past experience I put on a little bit of weight during Christmas/new year holidays, because the healthy part of Kate realises that everybody indulges a bit at this time of year, and that she too, deserves to relish in the joy of Christmas food and drinks. This Christmas I made the decision to not weigh myself daily. I went for 8 days with no weighing, Christmas Day to New years Day. But what happened really took me aback and made me realise how much this thing still has a hold over me.

I look at it as great insight and learning, even though it was painful. Oh, so painful. I was ok for about 3 days, and then I could literally feel the weight gain. I could feel every ounce of it, just like I could back in my severe anorexic days. I felt so uncomfortable, and I was convinced I had gained at least 5 kgs. It isn’t rational, and I am aware of this, but rational thought did not help. I was convinced. To the point where it was ruining my holiday. The only thing that kept me somewhat sane is that I absolutely went crazy at the gym; in fact, there were only 3 days out of about 2 weeks that I missed the gym. This made me feel a little bit more ‘in control’, but I was out of control. My eating disorder swallowed me whole for about 5 days in succession.

It took the reins, and I seemed to be powerless to stop it. On the 8th day, I stepped on the scales only to realise that I had gained not even a kg and a half. The relief was huge, but again, I was to realise how there was a little bit of ‘anorexia’ inside me, still playing its game. Even though I am not really underweight, I kept getting comments from people about how slim/thin I looked, but I can tell you, just like when I was severely anorexic, I didn’t believe what they were saying for a nano-second. I saw fat, and I felt fat.

Yes, I have a long way to go. So, lets reflect for a second. I have done a lot of work around knowing who Kate (healthy Kate) really is, what is actually important to her and what goals she wants to achieve etc. And let me tell you, this definitely helps. I can separate the eating disorder from Kate and I can recognise when the ED is taking the reins. But it still has a hold over me. The only thing that quietens it down, is weighing myself daily, because I can see rationally where I am at. I know that I am at a slim, healthy weight, but take the scales away, my head goes rampant. I don’t see things clearly, I 100% catastrophise. It is almost as if getting on the scales tells me how to feel on any given day, and what to work towards for that day etc. When I don’t weigh myself, I simply don’t know how to feel. This is extremely problematic.

So how, dear reader, can we navigate this. I get taken back to when I was at Hollywood Clinic, where they weighed us all twice a week, to make sure our weight was increasing to a point that was more healthy. This was just as hard back then. So how did I get through this? And how can I replicate that experience now? The thing that I keep coming back to, is that you need people you can trust, to be that rational voice, to tell you that you are beautiful, to tell you that your weight doesn’t actually matter in the scheme of things. I feel as if it is extremely important to lean on others at this time. So for me, now, I talk to my partner, talk to my trusted friends, and I know that there will be a stage that is very uncomfortable, as we navigate through the issue with weighing/not weighing. I have landed back in a similar position to where I was at 25 years ago. And really, I am actually in a much better position than I was back then. I don’t have to completely rebuild myself and my whole life, as I already know who Kate is, what Kate wants and needs, and Kate has an abundance of wonderful friendships to support her through this journey.

Back then, everything was a clean slate completely, which is an amazing thing, but also very daunting. As I was walking ahead on faith alone, that everything would turn out ok, or better than ok even. I have done so much of the work that needs to be done, already. It simply (or not quite so simply in fact) comes back down to the weight obsession, and the habit of weighing myself on a daily basis. Why am I finding this so damn difficult?

At the end of the day, right now, I don’t have a doctor and a treating team calling the shots, I am only accountable to myself, the decision to weigh myself daily, is a habitual, obsessive thing, and as someone who years ago, experienced extreme OCD, I truly understand how unhelpful and downright awful, obsessiveness can become, when you let it rule your life.

So, dear reader, if you are in a similar boat, lets do this together. I will make a pact to work on this inherent obsessiveness and look at cutting down the act of jumping on the scales every morning. I think we need to remember, that like with any addiction, it is going to be a battle, at least in the very beginning. It is going to feel uncomfortable, to say the least, but we must remember this won’t last forever, so we must simply ride that wave of uncomfortableness. I work with clients as an alcohol and drug counsellor, and I think it might be helpful to view eating disorders as an addiction of sorts. Like I said earlier in the book, this addiction can get in the way of our goals and in the way of being the sort of person we wish to be. Realising this is huge. But actually ceasing the addiction, is the absolute hardest part. The theory behind it all, can absolutely make sense, but it doesn’t just take away all the hard work you must take part in to completely conquer your addiction for good. There will be a lot of discomfort, as we slowly but surely give up our addiction. And in my case, and perhaps yours too, dear reader, it is about giving up that action of jumping on the scales every day. I did this for 8 days over Christmas and new year, and as I said, it was painful; but it was also a valuable learning experience.

I know that I can do it, because I did it, I just need to remember that the discomfort will eventually dissipate. It won’t last forever. With my clients, I talk about the concept of urge surfing. This simply means riding that uncomfortable wave of having an urge or a craving and knowing that it will pass. I think this concept can be used here in a sense. What makes our situation more difficult however is if weighing ourselves is the addiction, our urge to weigh probably wont last 2-3 hours, it starts off by literally affecting your whole day. Over this 8-day period, the feels were there pretty consistently.

This just means, we have to be as solid as a rock in terms of our desire to change. Remember what is important; remember what you’re aiming for; and remember your ‘why’… as in ‘why am I wanting to change’.

This book hopefully will motivate you to really articulate what your ‘why’ is…. And hopefully it will motivate you to want to change for the better; and become a healthier, happier version of yourself, where your ED isn’t calling the shots. If you get up tomorrow and simply skip jumping on the scales, you must be ready for battle. It will be a battle. But we’ve got this. I’ve got this. You’ve got this.
This Christmas and new year period could be looked upon with great disappointment and upset. But I am trying to turn it around. It has motivated me, intrinsically, to change my life. I don’t want next Christmas to be a repeat of this one. I am going to beat this obsession with weight, and I am going to win this battle before me.

“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation” – Elizabeth Gilbert

Watch this space.

Love Kate xxx

I turned 40 yesterday and I had such an incredible time at my 40th birthday party. My reflection on this though, is pretty unfathomable. As only 15 years prior, I spent my 25th birthday in Hollywood Private Clinic, and I was highly delusional and psychotic. I had nothing except the support of my immediate family. I had no friends, no money, no job and zero sanity.

The sheer intensity of what I was going through at that time, is unspeakable. I had never been more broken, and I had never been more hopeless. The incredible difference between these two different worlds, is incomprehensible – The world that I was living in 15 years ago, compared to where I am in my life right now.

What this story tells us, is that healing and recovery is absolutely possible. I thought I was simply destined to a life of dysfunction and ill-health – a life of solitary isolation, sheer depression and intense grief of the life that I had lost along the way.

In my life currently, I have never been happier, and I have never been more blessed, in terms of the amazing opportunities that I have before me, and the amazing people that are a part of my life on this day. And yesterday, I got to celebrate, not only my 40th birthday, but I also celebrated my life journey and celebrate the fact that I have forged a very happy and fulfilling life for myself.

Watch this space, as I have a distinct feeling and knowing, that my 40’s are going to be my best yet.

xxx