You write about a “distorted reality”—how dangerous is that mindset for someone in
the depths of an ED?
The distorted reality is extremely dangerous for someone in the depths of their eating disorder. The distorted reality grabs a hold of us, it shows us that we are in a much bigger body than we actually are and is yelling at us to get smaller – and thinner – to a ridiculous degree. The scary thing is, we can’t see what other people see. Our bodies and brains are starved, and this actually affects our perception. I have experienced this phenomenon. When I was suffering from anorexia nervosa back in my teenage years, I remember the sheer pain of having to gain weight. I might have been at 30 kgs. But the moment I had to gain a few kilos, or even one kilo, all I would see was that weight gain, I couldn’t see the whole picture. And it felt disgusting. Reality was indeed, very distorted. All I could think about was losing the weight that I had gained (to shut the ED up). Even with my more recent experiences with atypical anorexia, I was not seeing things clearly. I could not see how thin I was. The more I started to nourish my body, the more I was able to grasp what was actually going on. And now that I have gained a decent amount of weight, I am healthier not only in my body, but in my mind. I look back at photos and I can see what I couldn’t see before. My view of my current body, is more balanced – I am starting to see things more realistically. Part of recovery from a restrictive eating disorder, is being able to grasp how distorted your reality actually is. To begin with, at least, you have to trust in what other people are saying, and trust in what THEY are seeing. Because, as I said, in the depths of an eating disorder – you simply cannot see things as they actually are. Trust in the words of the people who love and care about you. This is very important. Eventually though, as your body, mind and spirit start getting more nourishment and health, you will be able to see things more clearly. Remember – when your body is starved – when you are greatly restricting your dietary intake – and when your weight is very low – your eating disorder will keep playing mind games with you. Period.
Kate's Niche 