It was Christmas 2010. And whilst I didn’t know it at the time, my schizophrenia was in the midst of unfolding. I was highly unstable, and I was experiencing many pre-schizophrenic symptoms. I hid in my bedroom that Christmas day, and then climbed the fence so I could run away to the park down the road without being noticed. I was angry and upset, and I had no idea why. Later that day, I caught a bus into the city and booked myself into a crappy motel with what little money I had at the time. I literally didn’t know what to do with myself, so my very small frame went and bought copious amounts of food, and binged and purged all night. I don’t think things could have been any worse, and my family were beside themselves with concern and they were very distressed as they were witness to my totally mad behaviour.
It hadn’t been a good year either, as prior to schizophrenia the symptoms starting to unfold, I had experienced the very depths of psychosis – which I was in for a year, and then a manic episode, followed by a mixed episode with all sorts of intense, negative emotions. The Christmas of 2009 I was in a psychiatric clinic so really…. I had been very unwell for a long time.
It saddens me, as Christmas time was always my absolute favourite time of year, prior to these 2 Christmas’s. Even when I was in the depths of anorexia 10 years prior, I was still at home with my family for Christmas, even if I didn’t eat, I was surrounded by loved ones and spent time opening Christmas gifts from family.
As the schizophrenia unravelled, I started to experience an array of different symptoms. I was delusional, I experienced terrifying tactile hallucinations, and I was extremely obsessed with angels and spiritual guides. I could also feel something controlling my movements, which was also terrifying and confusing.
It took me moving out of my mum and dads’ home, and into my aunty and uncles house, to finally come to the realisation that I needed help. A short stay at another psychiatric clinic, a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and a strict medication regime later, I was back on track. Whilst the first year of my recovery journey was like pulling teeth, with all the challenging mental health stigma that surrounded me at every turn, I finally found sanity, after a very long time of being unwell and unbalanced.
From 2012, up until now, things have improved tenfold. Fast forward to now, I am in a wonderful relationship with my soul mate of almost 6 years and we own our own home; I just had my 40th birthday party, where about 60 of my closest friends and family attended – I have amazing friends. I work in the mental health space, which I have done for the past 11 years, I have written two books, and I am onto my third currently. My first book ‘Hope Inc’ is being re-released January 2025, my second book, ‘Level Up’ is being released in April 2025, and my third book all about recovery from an eating disorder is currently being worked on.
I have had a lot of experience already sharing my story, with public speaking, and talking at mental health conferences etc. And there is going to be much more of this moving forward.
And this Christmas, is going to be epic, I will be waking up to my partner Leon and our pussy cat Panther, opening Christmas gifts whilst watching National Lampoons Christmas vacation and drinking mimosas (tradition) – maybe some croissants with ham and cheese also. There will be family lunch, secret santa and catching up with friends in the evening. It is going to be everything a Christmas should be, joyous and indulgent; and it is a far cry from my 2010 Christmas. And when you think about the fact that this was merely 14 years ago, it is pretty incredible.
My experiences with not only psychosis and schizophrenia, but also my experiences with anorexia nervosa, have enriched my existence. Because I know what it feels like to not have anything… and I know what it feels like to not have any sanity. I couldn’t be happier and more grateful of where I am at now, and I am ready to share my experiences with the world, through my books that I have written. What a cathartic experience.
Look out for my first book re-released on the 14th of January 2025. Hope Inc is a story of hope and redemption.
Merry Christmas, I hope it is joyous, but if it isn’t, for whatever reason, I pray that things will improve, as they have done for me.
Kate's Niche 