When Things Don’t Make Sense

When things don’t make sense, life can be a battle. When you think everything is making perfect sense, and then you lose something, you can feel alienated, and alone. You wish that you could fast-forward time, to a time when things make sense again. What can you possibly do to fast-track? What can you possibly do, to make the experience before that time, any easier? Friends help. Family helps. Work helps. But even when you’re filling your time with other activities and distractions, how can you fill up the gaping hole of sadness? I suppose you need to recognise that some days will be harder than others. I suppose you need to recognise that pain takes time to heal. My soul was  very happy… and now I am back to struggle town. Even my most optimistic, spiritual outlook, doesn’t dull the deep sadness that I feel. I am clinging to faith. I am clinging to hope. But it isn’t always easy to feel positivity and optimism all the time.

For now, at least, I just have to be brave. I need to go out into the world, do what I do, speak what I know, and try to shine as authentically as I can. I need to remind myself that life ebbs and flows. Things aren’t always going to be or feel this way. Good things happen… bad things happen. As long as we are learning and growing, it is all for the best, right? I just need to keep on focusing on my own ambitions and goals and strive to be the best at what I do, and the best me I can be. More important than anything else, I need to have faith that whatever happens, happens for a reason, and is ultimately for my benefit, even if I can’t see or feel that right now.

I hope that in a few weeks, I can write my next blog in a much more positive space, but I need to feel this pain right now, and let it pass naturally. I will continue to do the inner work, and I won’t give up. I just need to acknowledge, that it may be difficult, and some days I may not feel great. But I will never give up. I have been through worse. I have been through much worse… and I came out the other side, stronger, more compassionate, and a better person overall. If I had a friend in the same position that I am in now, I would tell them that as time goes by, things will get easier, and that its so very important to have faith and trust in the universe. There is a reason for everything… even for the “bad” stuff. It will make sense in time. And until it makes sense, hold on to hope and resilience, and know that everything works out in the end. I’m trying to tell myself that right now.

And hey, I’m not starting from square one. I have so many amazing, good things in my life right now. I need to remember to be grateful for all the good things and good people I have in my life. Sometimes its hard though, sometimes when you lose something, it can feel like you have nothing. Which couldn’t be further from the truth really. Perspective is important. I’m still so incredibly far from where I started off many years ago. I have built something really special. I need to remember to give myself pats on the back for coming so far already.

What does the next chapter hold? I don’t really know. But I know that friends and family will be there for me, which makes me very rich. I know that I have an incredible opportunity to publish my book and my creative work, which also makes me very rich. I know I have a job that I love, and my happy place to come home to everyday. I know that my spirituality will continue to lift me up, and light me up… and help me forge a path ahead. I know that the relationship I have with the universe helps me to believe in the possibility of magic. And at the moment, I need a little bit of magic.

Watch this space.

Love Kate xx