Overcoming FEAR

I have recently been reflecting on the notion of fear and how fear impacts us in our lives. And I was working with a client today and talking about comfort zones and the benefits and pitfalls of stepping out of the zone.

Suddenly, I realised something. Fear plays very little part in my life these days. And when it does rear its head, I maintain a very healthy relationship with it. It no longer controls me or owns me. I can direct my fear and I can become friends with it.
Once upon a time, I was afraid of almost everything. I was afraid of food, terrified of gaining weight.
I was afraid of failing, yet I was afraid of succeeding. I was afraid of being alone, yet I was afraid of being around people. I was afraid of life in general and afraid of what being a part of life, meant. I was afraid of showing up.

How crippling, right?

Well I can tell you now, it was crippling. I actually still tried to live my life, but I was just afraid all the time. The one thing I had going for me I guess, was the fact that I did still try. I didn’t just curl up in a ball and retreat, even though at times that’s all I wanted to do.

So, what helped me?

Well for a start, being on the right medication and receiving the right diagnosis was helpful. And reduced some of the noise that surrounded me. I could focus and ground myself.
But then…. After I was stable, I still had A LOT of work to do. It has taken me 8 years to get to where I am today. I have had to use my courage muscles, every single day, in the gym called life, to get to where I am today. I’m now confident, empowered and happy.
When I started off on my recovery journey, I still had this fear that lingered inside me, a fear that whispered, “what if?” And not “what if” as in positive anticipation, or excitement, but “what if” as a…. “what if I fail?” kind of way. There was so much that was unexplored and unknown. And anything that is unknown, can be scary. But I think what changed for me somewhere down the line was this. I began to see the unknown as exciting instead of scary. Sure, there was still fear there, but I had the thought…. “what if things don’t go wrong…. But instead, they go right?!”

I’m going to reference a quote that I have heard:

“What if I fall????……….But, darling, what if you fly?”

And that is what happened to me (eventually)… I ended up flying. But having said that, there have been countless times where I may not have met the mark, I have struggled, endlessly, with confidence and self-esteem, but I never gave up. I just kept pushing myself, again and again and again, and I overcame a huge barrier whilst doing so. I ended up conquering the task of “not caring what people think of me”. I may have stumbled in front of people; I may have fallen. But I got back up every single time… and kept going in the direction of my dreams and aspirations.

As I kept building my courage muscles, and pushing my boundaries, I realised that nothing was impossible, as long as I continue to overcome my fears. So, I kept raising the bar. Again, and again.

I rekindled friendships and made more, I went on dates, I found love, I found a job, I found a career, I found that I had a knack for public speaking, and a story worth telling, I found myself. I found a recipe for success. All that recipe involved, was using my courage muscles consistently, facing my fears, and aiming for the stars. Things kept falling into place, things kept getting better and I kept getting stronger.

So, now I tell people, you can overcome fears. You can change your life from inside out. You can achieve things you had never dreamed of. You just have to dare to dream, and put aside your fears and take consistent action, in the direction of your dreams. You have to overcome your fear of failure and see any mistakes or stumbles as learning and personal growth. You have to learn to simply not care about the thoughts of others. You have to recognise that the only priority is you getting further along the trajectory towards where you truly want to be. Small steps are important. It’s not the fact that the steps are small that is important, the only important thing is that you take that step and those steps.

Even if you don’t believe in yourself now, you will begin to, once you start moving forward. And then you’ll be unstoppable.