Sadness

Well, I’m shocked. I’m truly and utterly shocked.

This is not the way I expected to feel at this time of year.  It is not what I had hoped for.

I thought I was onto a good thing. I thought that I had a lot to look forward to.

I thought that I had someone who would be there for me through thick and thin. I didn’t think that person would be creating the hard times…. I thought they would be getting me through those hard times.

I’m trying to be grateful for what I have. I’m trying to see the positive. But I’m just sad. There is an underlying sadness that is just there right now. When will life get back to being amazing? When will life get back to being what I want it to be? Fulfilling, fun, and full of love.

I thought I had it all. The job, the apartment, the man, the friends and family. Despite all the issues I face from day to day, week to week, month to month… I thought things had panned out pretty damn well.

But now…Not only am I not at all happy with my work, I now have lost the one thing that got me through that. My partner.  I’ll keep forging ahead. I’ll keep fighting. But when will I be able to stop fighting with life, and be able to truly enjoy it?

I’m not writing this to get others down or get attention. I’m writing this, with the hope that this time next year, I can look back at these words and realize just how far I have come. I will realize that good things come to those who wait. I really hope that is the case.

Surely there are good things around the corner. Surely there is a pot of gold at the end of this wretched rainbow. Surely, it is my turn, for something good.

Thank-you to all my friends and family that have reached out to me and made me feel a little bit less alone at this time. Words cant describe how much I appreciate your kindness and support.