I have been on a rocky road since my last blog written on boxing day only 2 weeks ago.
Boredom and isolation triggered a rather nasty depressive episode… which hit me for 6 because the last time I felt depressed I was 18. My thinking started to become very unhealthy and I was starting to self-medicate with alcohol and cigarettes.
I never really understood this until now, but depression can be such a spiral. It grabs hold of you and tightens its grip as your behavior becomes more and more unhealthy.
I did feel a lot better when I went back to work last Wednesday but it took a few days to really feel any sense of hope. I then made the decision on Saturday night that I needed to take control of my life again, rather than waiting for someone to save me. Sometimes you have to be the hero in your own life. Sometimes, there is nothing else others can do…. We must help ourselves, too.
So, I made the decision that I would change my focus to one that is hopeful and positive. I made the decision to quit alcohol for at least 2 months, and then perhaps reintroduce back slowly in small amounts. My drinking had become a problem – and it is in itself a depressant!
I would quit smoking and start exercising and start looking after my physical and mental wellbeing. I will fill my life with good healthy foods, good friends and family, a fulfilling and meaningful day job, and lots of self-care and positive reflection. I will make this year…. My year.
With this decision, came a change of mind frame, and with this change of mind frame, came hope and a sense of happiness. I had found my spark again.
This time a week ago, I resided myself to the fact that I would probably need to have a hospital admission and change my anti-depressant.
Now I know that this is not the case. And I’m very lucky that this is not the case.
Over the past two weeks, I have realized a few things…
Firstly, that I have amazing friends and loved ones who I can lean on in times of pain and suffering – and I will be forever grateful for this.
Secondly, that we all have more strength than we realize, and, we actually have all the resources we need to get back on top of life, and to start succeeding and winning!
I know now that I have all the resources to find my own sense of happiness and wellbeing.
I know now that I am even more equipped to help others on their own mental health journeys…and that such a huge part of this is helping people to get back on top of their physical/emotional/spiritual health – as we are very complex human beings!
I know now that I have a greater sense of appreciation and gratitude for my health – every single aspect of it.
I feel that this strange, almost unbearable two week journey has given my life more meaning and purpose, and has enabled me to re-focus on what is truly important in my life.
So to the universe, I say thank-you, once again, for these important lessons 🙂
Love Kate xx
Kate's Niche 